A Girl in a Forgetful World

Easily Hard

In all of my life,

I never guessed I would be here,

Thinking about you,

Seeing you live your life

Like you're happy without me. 

I hope it's just fake.

I've seen the cracks,

I've heard songs that get to you,

The songs that remind you of us...

Or the magic we used to be.

Those lyrics haven't touched my heart

For years it seems.

Now their proclamation of 

Sweet and innocent love

Haunts me. 

I can only see your face,

Your smile,

Feel your breath on my neck

When you whisper "I love you..."

It's slowly killing me.

It's so easily hard 

To get over you. 

I remember her saying,

"Why can't she just get over him?"

Like my heartbreak was a burden to her...

Now I realize it was.

It's easily hard 

To not wish for an undo button.

Oh, how many things I would change,

How many things I would say differently,

How many times I would say I love you.

It's easy to put on a mask,

It's hard to feel happy. 

It's easy to cry,

It's easy to hide...

It's hard to be honest.

You are easily the hardest thing

I've had to endure.

I love you...

Those words feel like a mistake,

A path I shouldn't have walked,

But you and I felt so right...

I can't believe it turned out to be wrong.

It's easy to put on a mask,

And act like I don't care.

"I'm fine, really!"

I'm not fine at all.

"Don't worry about me!"

Please think of me.

"Everything's going to be okay!"

No, it won't.

So easy to say,

But so hard to feel.

It's easy to ignore your texts

And pretend like nothing happened.

"I love you..."

After all this time,

All the messes you made,

I somehow still love you too.

"Please come back to me!"

I want to,

But how can I?

"I can't lose you..."

The permanent loss of you would kill me, too.

It already feels like it has.

I wish everything would go back

To normal - 

Or, at least,

A better time.

A time when we were happy,

Just you and me...

The old us. 

The smarter version

Of the old us.

Because, darling -

You are so easily hard to forget.