A Girl in a Forgetful World

You Don't Love Me, Do You?

Your phone calls are
Always the ones I dread.

Your text messages always
Make me wish I was dead.

I wish it wasn't this way.
I wish we were happy...
But we never will be.

You call me on your way
Home from work,
Not paying attention
To half the things I say.

I'll tell you about my day,
And hear the usual "uh huh".

You don't love me,
Do you?

I'll sit down at the kitchen table,
Geometry assignment in one hand,
Pencil in the other,
Phone to my ear.
You'll ask me why I don't understand,
You'll say how "the smart genes" must not
Have passed on in me.

You don't love me,
Do you?

You'll ask how the school term went,
And you'll ask about my grades.
I'm old enough now to know
What will happen
If I lie to you.

"It's just a C, it's not a big deal!"

"You're right, it's not a big deal... it's a failure!"

You don't love me,
Do you?

I can almost hear your voice,
Telling me about how my sister did this,
My stepbrother did that,
And how I can't seem to do "simple math".

Why can't you be the father I wish you were?
Why can't you love me?

I know I'm your least favorite kid,
And I've gotten used to that.

I know you think I'm stupid
And pathetic
And a helpless cause...

But,
Other fathers don't think that of their children,
So why do you think that of me?

No one knows why you and mom are divorced,
Not the real reasons,
The ones I make up
To hide the truth...
The truth of what you did to not only me,
But our whole family.

You tore us apart,
You broke us,
You shattered a normal, happy future.
I hate you for that,
I hate you for everything...
I can't believe you.

You were fake,
You were tricky...
You were horrible.

I can't even begin to understand
How someone can do
What you did.

I can't understand
Why you ruined your daughters' brains.
You changed the way we think,
Talk,
Act,
And react.

You hurt us...

I know you don't love me...
But,
Why?