A Girl in a Forgetful World

Staring Through My Window

The sun sets 

Over the west.

Another day,

Another tragedy.

I'm staring through my window,

Feeling nothing

And yet everything.

I glance out at the moving cars,

Their drivers living their lives.

Some are happy,

Some are sad,

Some are just okay...

And no one would know.

It's passing the mountain now,

Hiding until dawn.

The little stream of sunlight

Will leave,

And the sky will darken my room.

I don't feel like turning the light on.

Staring through my window,

All the painful moments

Take turns stabbing my heart

And sharpening their knives.

I don't want to talk about it,

I don' t know how I feel.

I said I was okay,

And I'm not.

Staring through my window,

I ignore the cliche of listening

To a sad song playlist.

Staring through my window,

I dab away the mascara tears

With a now black tissue.

The sky is still orange,

But I know it will set.

Everyone's sun does eventually.

And then we sleep.

And sometimes...

Not everyone wakes up.

Staring through my window,

I remember how he left me

And he doesn't even know how much it hurt me.

Staring through my window,

I can hear my mom's voice saying,

"She passed away, honey. I'm sorry."

I can feel my heart drop,

I can feel the tears,

Both old and new.

Staring through my window,

I can hear her calling me a word

She never said she would again.

Staring through my window,

I feel my lungs seize up,

I can hear my brain telling itself to stop,

I know my heart is racing.

I let it happen.

I'm used to these by now.

What's one more to add to the list?

Staring through my window,

I wonder if it's the last sunset

I'll ever see.

Staring through my window,

I wonder if they'll miss me.

Staring through my window,

I think about all my mistakes,

All of my stupid decisions

And the hearts I've broken.

When will it be enough?

Staring through my window,

I let the doubt encase me

Just like the darkness beginning to form.

It hurts too much to move,

And they don't even know...

Staring through my window,

I let the tears flow,

Like rain down the pane.

Staring through my window,

I wonder.