A Girl in a Forgetful World

What You Did to Me

Looking back on all the memories,
One particular moment comes to mind.
I can almost hear the voice in my head,
Screaming,
"No, no, no, no, don't, stop!"

But those words were never said out loud.

I caught your staring eyes,
I saw the way you looked at me
When I was vulnerable.

I remember the talks we had,
The talks I thought were just jokes
But really...
Now I realize
It was no joke to you.

I was your toy.

You touched me
When I told you to stop.

You forced me to do things
I didn't want to do.

I told you
Over
And over
And over
Again.

You must be losing your hearing.

I didn't think much of it then,
And I know if I spoke out
You would play the victim,
And I would not be given justice.

My heart is pounding,
Just as it was in that moment...
And not just the first time,
But the countless others.
It was never good enough for you,
I was never good enough for you.

Am I weak for not speaking up?
Why are my ears ringing?
Why is my heart trying to beat its way out of my chest?
What's wrong with me?

I've never felt this feeling before,
I never realized what this was,
But now...

Now I know
What you did to me.