A Girl in a Forgetful World

The Father You Were Supposed to Be

The father you were supposed to be

Is not the one that you are.

The father you were supposed to be

Hugs his little girl

And kisses her goodnight.

The father you were supposed to be

Would help me up 

If I scraped my knee.

The father you were supposed to be

Would have never left me.

The father that you are

Is far, far away.

The father that you are

Left me when I was three.

The father that you are

Gets angry in the car.

The father that you are

Nevers says you are proud of me.

Instead,

You look at me with those hard,

Disapproving,

Disappointed eyes.

To you,

I am nothing but a disappointment.

Nothing that I do

Will ever change the way you think of me.

I've spent all of my life trying to impress you,

Trying to get you to look at me

In the way a father should.

I should have known I was wasting my time.

The father you were supposed to be

Would have told my boyfriend to treat me well.

But instead I will never tell you.

It isn't your right to give me away

When you never cared to stay.

The father you were supposed to be

Was all just made up of a dream.

It was never real,

It was never there,

Because you are never here.

The father that you are 

Doesn't say you love me.

The father that you are

Doesn't care to listen to me.

And so you use me

Over

and over

and over again.

The father that you are

Runs away to a new woman

To call your wife.

The father that you are

Lets her tell me

Everything I am not.

How I am not skinny enough,

Not pretty enough,

Not outgoing enough,

Not smart enough, 

Not funny enough.

You let her verbally abuse me,

You let her children treat me

Not as a friend,

Not as a step-sibling,

But as someone who will take away what they have

So they might as well take everything from me.

They tear up my feelings

And wear me down.

They make me feel useless,

And tease me until I frown.

They and their mother do this all the time

Until I'm left to cry.

I try to tell you,

But you won't listen.

Now I know that you do not care.

The father that you are

Takes them on vacations to Hawaii,

leaving me behind.

The father that you are

Only looks at me like I'm a dollar sign.

To you,

I am only worth the money you receive

When you get to claim me on your taxes

So you can relax

On beaches,

Spending all the money that you please,

Just simply because I exist.

I'm left with all these scars

Because of you-

Or rather, 

Because of who you never cared to become.

The father you were supposed to be

Would have loved me.

The father you were supposed to be

Would have left me with happy memories.

You spend your days with someone you love,

With children that aren't even yours

Who you say you love.

But what about me?

Where do I fit in on this family tree?

I don't...

Because you are not the father you were supposed to be.