To the Moon and Back (MJ fanfic)

Doctor My Eyes

Warning; This chapter has some sensitive themes that maybe uncomfortable for some viewers.

There are some moments in your life that you not only never forget - but you never lose the feeling that comes with that instance either. For me, it'll always be the day that Liam was born and I got the hold him for the very first time. And the first time that I had turned and saw Michael next to me that day in that Las Vegas bar... and my heart hadn't been the same since. I knew I loved him only five minutes after meeting him. Another time was the first time I had heard Fleetwood Mac, and the earliest one was probably when I had my first kiss - it was with Steven Millburg on the school playground. I don't remember much of it, but the reason that the moment is still in my head is because of the way I felt beforehand.

I remember my hands shaking, and barely being able to lean in to press my lips to his. It wasn't a big moment, but every time I thought about it the old feelings also accompanied. There was good memories, and of course bad ones... And this one definitely found a space in the bad ones. It would be a time that would never be forgotten, nor would the horrible feelings that came with it. The feeling of your gut twisting, your heart wrenching, and being at a total loss for words..

"But what does that mean?" I asked, my quiet voice loud in the silent room.

"Take a look at this." The Doctor said somberly as she handed me a pamphlet.

I took it with numb hands and read it with unfocused eyes. I sat slumped on the heightened check-up bed, the thin white paper crunching beneath me.

"So I'll never have a baby again?" My voice was tight, and my eyes stung. I tucked my hair behind my ears, feeling numb.

"Not exactly." She said softly, sitting in her much lower swivel chair, moving so she was directly infront of me. "It just means that the there's a lower chance of you getting pregnant again than there is for most women."

"But why?" I asked again for what seemed like the hundredth time since I got the news. "Why is there a lower chance? I'm a healthy 26 year old. I hardly drink, I don't smoke, I work out occasionally..." I yammered on, trying to keep my voice from breaking, yet failing to do so. "Is this common?" I blinked over at her through blurry eyes.

She looked at me through sad, yet calm, eyes. I knew she was used to giving bad news.

"Yes and no." She explained. "It happens more often than one would think, just not all the time."

"But everything was fine with my first pregnancy." I argued, as if I were in court and I could still turn all of this around. As if there were even a chance...

She put her hand over mine. "It's important that you know Secondary infertility had nothing to do with you or your health, Emily." She smiled softly. "You did nothing wrong here. To put it gracefully, sometimes this just... happens."

I wiped the tear that I hadn't known had fallen down my cheek, looking down at the pamphlet once again as I reread the title; Secondary Infertility. It wasn't fair. Nothing was fair. And I couldn't do anything about it.

After a moment of silence she spoke again. "There are support groups if you're interested." She offered. Reaching back to grab another pamphlet.

"No," I finally spoke, clearing my voice and wiping my face again. "Thank you, but it's fine."

She smiled thoughtfully, putting it back.

"Can you explain it again?" I looked up at her.

"Of course, Mrs. Jackson." She said softly. "With the tests that I have run, it shows that the sperm isn't making it past the Fallopian tubes. The reason as to why, I'm not sure. But this occurs semi often after most pregnancies. I'm not saying that you can never have a child again, but it is a slim chance."