To the Moon and Back (MJ fanfic)

Breathe

The first month was the hardest; I believe for him and us. Not that I blamed him at all. He was trying to adjust the best he could while mourning the death of the closest person he had ever had in his life. The only person he had ever had.

Things were new, and difficult, and honestly I believed he'd forget occasionally where he was and what happened. On the rare occasions that he'd leave his room and I'd get him to go for a walk, he'd look up at me and it was as though he was expecting to see someone else. And painfully, I'd watch his face fall and the sorrow hit him all at once. Quickly, he'd ask if we could go back inside.

As soon as we could, Michael and I had a therapist come out to Neverland weekly to talk with him almost every day. We were nervous about how he'd take it, but surprisingly he didn't fight it. When we told him what we thought would be best he simply nodded and obliged. Which we were both relieved about, but if he had any reservations we made it clear that he could always tell us.

It wasn't that he acted out in anyway - it was actually quite the opposite. We learned quickly that Henry was quiet, and even on his worst days he didn't yell or hit anything - he'd draw into him self and sometimes even shut down completely. Acting as if he were void of all feelings. It hurt to see, and frankly we weren't used to children acting that way; Non-vocal. But like everything else, it was something that we'd have to learn to adjust to. Just like he was learning to adjust to many new things too.

But the thing that stung the most was how badly we could tell that he wanted to be normal. How he'd watch Liam play in the yard but make no move to join him. He wanted to be included in activities; he just couldn't bring himself do anything. If I could had, I would've taken away his pain and made it my own, but like a lot of things, life wasn't fair, and I couldn't. But I so badly did. As the weeks passed I had hurt for him like I would've if it were my own child. And sometimes it felt like he were, as the time progressed.

Those first few months were dark times that we were trying to make light. You could feel the thickness in the air, and the hurt reverberating off of him when someone said something that reminded him even the slightest bit of his old life. Sometimes the things that triggered a good day into a bad day could be had been as simple as "Let's watch Alf." Which I know sounds silly to anyone on the outside, but it was a show that him and Caroline had watched every Saturday night - which is what he eventually told me one day when I had asked after he started crying. It broke my heart.

While all of this took place, Michael had been leaving a lot less often. A lot of the time he'd be home for weeks without even stepping foot outside the Neverland gates - which I was so very grateful for. But I think he knew. It was that marital intuition that made this all the less stressful. I felt like I was juggling two different kids with two very different needs, because that was exactly what I was doing. And I needed my husband now more than ever. Although, even though we happened to be on the same property didn't mean we saw much of each other. And usually we were lucky if our Friday date nights consisted of us sharing a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich at midnight in the kitchen.

Usually, on our better days, I would focus on Henry and Michael would focus on Liam. We'd try to switch on and off here and then, but we quickly found that Henry and I clicked more so than him and Michael. Kate and Dan said it was because I was a female, and he wasn't used to having males around - which honestly made sense. And we didn't question it. We just went along with what was best at the time being.

This helped us equal out the time we both had with Henry and Liam, and it was easier to make sure that neither child felt left out. I knew that it was hard for Liam to see me with another child, because what felt like not too long ago we were basically in the same boat as Caroline and Henry had been in. We had only had each other. But it was wonderful that he and Michael had such a strong bond from the very beginning, and that helped us out alot during Henry's recovery.