"Eve in the Garden of Eden, wearing a snakeskin."
And I'm begging them again
blade slicing the skin of my throat and god I wish it would slice them
I'm begging again and the humiliation makes me feel less alone.
Sometimes I think I'm insatiable. All rage and grit and white hot knuckle. when this anger gives way to desperation I slide pieces of myself under the couch. They mingle with the dust and I'm hoping you'll forget about them.
Because I'm clutching at them with hallowed fingers.
One day I'll gather them and piece them back together with sellotape
A collage of all my past selves.
And once I've reclaimed what is mine
My hurt will shatter you
I promise you I'll teach you what it's like to be godmade
Tearing down your holy paradise with fruit juice-stained fists
I'll show you what real power tastes like
My skin reeks of victory and conquest.
You forged me in iron and rust and ruin You'll finally meet what you created
You know I want to hurt you the way you hurt me
Sink teeth into your wrists
Tearing that delicate skin and you'll bleed pomegranate.
Teach you to starve off your own self sacrifice. Teach you to mistake your brokenness for success. Teach you to glorify your self harm. Teach you that prolonged death isn't perseverance.
Gutting you like an animal, gnawing on the brutality of it all, there's so much I want to do.
I won't look into a mirror only to see your face.
So I'll consume my hatred from inside it
Puke it in all it's abhorrence.
Flush it all out like a fever.
This emptiness nurtures me like a mother
We'll paint the city red with all the blood you burst from our bodies
My warmth will slip down my shoulders
Speading into the vacancies you carved into them
Innocent and salt encrusted
We're birthing the world tonight
We're opening up a pit in the ground
Burning our oppression. When it drifts up in smoke we will call it by a new name.
Our deliverance comes with yearning.
