Anyone remember my last lockdown freak out? Well, now it's a reality. The delta variant has hit NZ, and we're back in lockdown. There was talk of what would happen if delta came to nz a few weeks beforehand, but there was nothing indicating that it was coming. Still, I had a bad feeling. I was flying home for a week to see family and I had a feeling that a lockdown would be announced while I was at home and I'd be stuck there. Guess what happened on the very first day I flew home? The first covid case in the community was found, the first in about 170 days. It couldn't be linked to the border or managed isolation, so a level four lockdown was immediately announced. That means everything is closed, you have to wear a mask if you go outside, etc.
I hate it when my anxiety is right. I freaked out. The lockdown was initially three days for the rest of the country and a week for Auckland, where the case was found. But it's delta, and there's no way there was just one case. Other cases started popping up, and I started freaking out. I can't handle being stuck in my parent's house for a long lockdown. I love my family, my parents are good to me, but it wouldn't be good for my mental health. So I flew back to my uni hall and luckily my parents were very understanding.
That was definitely the right decision, I'm so much happier in my hall. The hall environment itself is worse than home, but I have more freedom, and I'm quarantining with two of my friends. So far we've already stocked up on alcohol, weed, and dyed our hair, all the quarantine essentials. It's day 4.
Ed and depression mention, no detail//
Last year's lockdown was really difficult for me. I was struggling with my ed, trying to hide the extent of it from my parents. I was heavily engaging in behaviours and living in a constant state of anxiety about how I'd get away with those behaviours and what would happen if I couldn't and I'd actually have to eat. Then I was forced into recovery and forced to eat. There were constant fights and I was so miserable. This lockdown, it won't be an issue. I'm not recovered, but I'm doing a lot better. But the issues that most people had in lockdown are going to affect me now. The boredom and social isolation. The first time around, I was very depressed, and lockdown was perfect. Isolation didn't matter, because that was how I lived anyway. Boredom wasn't an issue, because I had no motivation or energy to exist and could happily lie in bed and stare at the wall for hours. I had no life outside of school and my ed. But now I do. Now I miss going out and having fun, physically going to uni, exploring the city. I miss my other friends. I miss my family.But I still have my friends and we find things to do. I guess I have no excuse not to be writing now!
