So last year was a really bad year for me. I was severely depressed. I didn't realise how bad it was until recently when I've started feeling better. Even when my psychiatrist told me he considered me high risk and told my parents not to leave me by myself, or when my parents were about to take me out of school, I didn't realise how bad things were. That's a whole discussion for another day. Recently recovery from depression has given me passion!
And god does it feel good to love writing again. Writing is my passion. I genuinely love it so much. I actually get writing done at the moment? Even when it's hard work it doesn't feel like a chore? It's so exciting to have interests and feel pleasures again.
So where's the chapters? Here's the thing: I'm still depressed. I still go to school. I don't have time. I'm getting things done, just slowly. But the main thing is that I want to start writing outside of wattpad.
I love writing wc fanfiction. And I don't intend on stopping (now that I plan on living past 18, not that I'm happy about it, mind you, I've suddenly got all the time in the world to write wc fanfiction) but I want to start taking my writing seriously. I want to be a published author. I don't think I'll be a bestseller (though that would be really fucking nice) but I just wanna publish things and be a proper author!
I don't want to become a full-time author. While writing is my passion, I don't think I could do it as a proper job. Because then it would be work. It would become a chore. And I don't want to ruin my passion like that! I still want to pursue psychology as a career, and writing on the side.
So where are the chapters? Well, I've started working on my original book. I'll go in-depth about that in another chapter, or when I've finally figured out a plot and have more than an intangible "this is my story that feels very real in my head and I know this character like the back of my hand but if you ask me a single thing about this I couldn't tell you anything" kind of deal going on.
So where do I begin taking my writing futher? How about uni, where I'm going next year, and am having to start planning for? Sounds like a solid place to start, right? I'd always planned on taking a writing course. So I started looking into writing courses, and the uni I intend on going to has the most appealing courses. So far things sound great! I made a pretty impulsive decision that I wanted to minor in writing, as I'll be majoring in psychology. This seems perfect, I have a plan. And then the universe threw a wrench into my plans. The uni writing courses take...get this...12 people per course. TWELVE PEOPLE. OUT OF THE WHOLE COUNTRY. ??? This isn't a small uni either. It's no harvard, but I'd say it's in the top 4 in nz?
I'm a clown. I'm boo boo the fool. Here's me laughing at my friends who are going into med school, thinking "thank god I don't have to go into such a competitive field of study" only for karma to whip me in the ass. 12 people. Jesus christ.
So I'll apply for some courses. I doubt I'll get in. But its worth a shot. It won't be the end of the world if I don't make it - I'm not completely certain I'm even going to this uni in the first place - and it's not as if I can't write if I don't make the course. In actuality, it won't effect my life much at all. A writing minor will do nothing for me in terms of job oppurtunities and I only decided I wanted this a week ago. But man, I really want to minor in writing now! Which means I'd have to get into multiple writing courses. All of which take a max of 12 people. Just as I wanted to do something and actually find enjoyment in it, the universe says no. Fuck u universe.
So I'll be working on writing pieces to improve my writing and eventually some of those will end up on my application. And I want to get my original work up and running. AND I want to keep working on my fics. I just love starting a million projects and finishing none of them.
Anyway, I hope this complete and utter word vomit made sense to someone. I've got another update coming, on how my mental health is going (spoiler alert, I'm recovering from my eating disorder now! But also not really! It's a bit of a mess!) + maybe a very personal reflection about turning 18 when I never planned to life this long, or maybe I'll just keep that in my notes or something. Just lettin you all know I'm still here and writing will be coming soon!
