So I've been in my own personal hell since July, but things appear to be getting better so I'm finally ready to talk to you guys about it!
Let me condense what's been going on this year. A bit of this has been explained in my update about potientially going back into lockdown. Around May I was forced into recovery for my eating disorder by my old therapist. My ex therapist arranged for me to have another ed assessment against my will. I had expressed repeatedly I didn't want treatment and I wasn't medically compromised so it's not like I could've been forced under the mental health act. But if I refused she would've talked to my parents and they would've forced me to get treatment, so there wasn't anything I could do.
So I had my assessment and was diagnosed with atypical anorexia. I started treatment in lockdown, which was...less than ideal. I had two horrible weeks of being force fed by my parents until I was able to go back to school and immediately jump back into my old habits. I finessed everything perfectly. As I was 17 at the time I was allowed to choose what kind of treatment I wanted. My new therapist strongly recommended family based treatment, which is the standard ed treatment and has the highest recovery rate - which is actually only around 40%. Just goes to show how dangerous eating disorders are. I chose adolescent focused therapy because then I could choose what I wanted to eat, my parents were literally forbidden to interfere and force me to do anything even if I was restricting...so basically this was my ticket to keep losing weight. All I had to do was fake my weigh ins, which was easy enough.
And cool. Everything was perfect! I ended up reaching my lowest weight, which was underweight. I could've been diagnosed with anorexia rather than atypical anorexia, finally feeling like I was "valid" and "sick enough." I felt great. I was finally getting where I wanted to be, I was getting thinner and in control.
But then I stopped losing weight. It was like a switch flipped overnight. All of a sudden I was gaining weight while still restricting. So I restricted some more, thinking it was a plateau and would be over in a week or two. Cut to three months later, at my heaviest I've been this year, uncontrollably gaining weight. Yeah...something deeper has been going on.
After a month of living off of half a meal a day and not losing any weight, someone suggested hypothyroidism to me. It matched my symptoms perfectly! So I went to my doctor and went "oh I'm just so tired all the time, I think it's my thyroid." Thyroid was fine. Turns out I was deficient in iron, b12, vitamin c, and folate. That explained the fatigue, but not the weight gain. So I went back and explained the weight gain and the restriction this time. My doctor was useless. I literally sobbed in front of him about my weight gain despite starving myself and he said "you have great self control!" Like ?? If I was still underweight you wouldn't be condoning this. Why the fuck would you say that to a vunerable person? But he didn't care about my weight gain either, just said I needed to gain weight anyway and he'd only look into it if I gained to a higher weight.
But at least he ordered the tests I wanted, both thyroid hormones. One came back and was normal, officially ruling out primary and secondary hypothyroidism. But what I really wanted was my t3 results. This is the thyroid hormone that is involved in metabolism and if your body isn't converting enough, your metabolism slows and you get the standard hypothyroid symptoms. What causes conversion issues? Many things, including an iron deficency and calorie restriction. Yeah. Nothing more ironic then getting an ed to lose weight, breaking your metabolism and gaining weight.
So I never actually got my t3 results. My doc moved practices and I can't get in contact with him. I called my current practice asking for my results and they said they'd call me back. That was two weeks ago and I've heard nothing. I got fed up and bought some thyroid supplements. You can't actually get t3 medication in nz anyway so if there is an issue, taking thyroid supplements and my iron tablets is all I can do.
Meanwhile I went through a panic believing I was developing Cushing's Syndrome and should get my cortisol tested. I didn't. But the weight gain and another situation that I'll talk about once that gets resolved sent me into a huge spiral. Despite this mystery health problem, I've been doing pretty well. But these last few weeks it all just hit me and shit hit the fan. I became really unstable very quickly. I'd go from being miserable but stable to sobbing and headbanging in the space of 10 minutes. I gave myself a month and if there was no improvement, I was going to end things.
I know it sounds dramatic, but an anorexic suddenly gaining weight? Literal hell. My worst fear coming true. And other issues were going on at the time. But I think I've finally found the answer. I googled "hypothyroid symptoms but labs normal" AGAIN but this time I found something new. A vitamin D deficiency. Turns out the symptoms of hypothyroidism and vitamin d deficiency mirror each other. The fatigue, dry skin, acne, thinning eyebrows, pale skin, and weight gain I've been experiencing can all be caused by a vitamin d deficiency. Did some research because there doesn't seem to be any sound scientific explanation of the connection between vitamin d deficiency and weight gain, but apparently it causes fat cells to expand and your body to store more fat rather than use calories for energy. Either way there's a definite link. I couldn't be bothered getting tested. I can't afford it. I have the symptoms and the history (my doc told me I likely had other deficiencies, given that I was deficient in everything he tested me for, but for some reason didn't bother testing me for anything else.)
So hopefully vitamin D supplements will make a difference, in conjunction with the iron and thyroid supplements. I've seen a small difference from the iron and thyroid supplements. I think things might be getting better. It'll take time for the vitamin D and iron to build up in my body, but I'm already seeing a difference. I've been able to lose weight, but unfortunately I end up gaining it back easily. Either way it's an improvement and I think I'm finally on the mend. I'll be getting vitamin B12 drops as well which should make me feel better.
