Welcome to the trainwreck update. Does this reflect on my mental state? Possibly. Say what you will.
Sorry for the lack of updates, school started in Feb and it hit me like a truck. I have 0 motivation and year 12 is fucking me over. My longest streak of not-dozing-off-in-class is 3 days, it's probably a vitamin issue because I don't,,eat food,,, but we won't talk about that bc I like ignoring my issues.
Things ! Are happening ! I guess!
First things first. My school ball is coming up, there's a year 12 one and a year 13 one so obviously this is ny first year going. It's extremely stressful for me because I have major body image issues and dress shopping is an issue when you're 4'8. I just bought a dress though, and it's this lovely lady:
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It'll need to be altered though because it's a dress for people with a regular height, and my mum got a size too big in case "it came too small." Despite all the measurements being there and I fit the smallest size perfectly. (I was worried I wouldn't fit anything because I thought my body was super disproportionate and abnormal but it turns out my perception of my body is messed up. You'd have thought I'd have got that by now but every time I'm like "hey my body might be okay" my brains like "haha nope" and I'm like "damn u right.") My mum's logic is a little... screwed. She accused me of being anorexic and greedy/that I eat too much in the same week so. That's fun.
But in all seriousness, I have a good mum. Sometimes she just does questionable things.
My friend, whomst y'all might remember from when he was my best friend and then dumped me for his New Cool Friends and it fucked me over for a while, is doing my makeup for the ball because he's a lifesaver and v good at it.
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- wholesome healing. We love two dumbasses who can learn maturity! (This isn't saying you're immature if you harbour bitter feelings or don't wanna rekindle. I'm just saying in this situation where we both acted like shitheads, we've grown up and sorted ourselves out.)
I'm listening to a lot of Hozier at the moment. Wasteland, Baby! Killed me on sight. I haven't recovered yet. I would highkey recommend it. I would also recommend: Marina and the Diamonds! She's finally releasing music after FOUR YEARS and it's so good. I also played the Thank U Next album on repeat, nothing else, for about 4 weeks straight. What can I say, it's been a weird year so far.
I've also found A Thing. The furby fandom! Listen. We don't tolerate furby hate in this household. They're children! I found long furbies (just search it up on Tumblr) and now I wanna make one even though I can sew or do anything crafty whatsoever, nor do I know where to get a furby (online shopping when you live in nz is an ordeal. everything is so fucking expensive.) but none of it will stop me. I am determined. Name possibilities: Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, as suggested by my best friend who suggested I make my long furby and then burn it. I will not be taking her up on that suggestion. Kneecap Fork Trashbag Little Egg Milk Carton Toothbrush Spleen
Anyway this was a terrible stream-of-consciousness update written at unfortunate hours of the morning. Probably another reason for why I'm so tired at school!
