My parents and I were watching a show about drag queens helping people with their weddings and my mum was saying how dresses with poofy skirts are good for overweight people. She turns to me and says "that'll be good for you, you carry your weight in your hips."
So I proceeded to have a heart attack, as I do every time my mum comments on my body/someone acknowledges I have a physical form, because I have Issues and a healthy dose of body dysmorphia. I was feeling particularly shitty because I had to eat dinner at a restaurant and it was 950 calories so that didn't help anything.
My surprisingly perceptive dad (the same dad who still thinks I'm straight despite all the gay songs I play in the car) started telling my mum to be careful what she says bc often when people develop an eating disorder, one comment triggers it. My mum said she disagreed and that usually other issues are going on and he said he agreed with what she said but one comment is usually the catalyst.
My mum then started saying shit like "oh, now I'm worried I've traumatized her!" and talking about how she wasn't calling me fat, I just have wide hips and carry my weight there while she carries it in her stomach.
Later, an ad for a show about anorexia came on and she was all "don't get anorexia"
And I'm just sitting here like,, it's a bit late for all of that.
Literally though. I've grown up with weight talk from my parents, my mum's diets and all that. She makes comments about my body a lot. She called my ass big literally yesterday, earlier in the year she accused me of being anorexic bc her friend had noticed I'd lost weight and called me greedy and fat in the same week. The lack of self awareness just astounded me, and made me feel really anxious because if my ed progresses and I stop having fucking binge episodes (which I'll then be classed as anorexic) then they'll start blaming themselves and I don't want them to do that because it isn't their fault. All my body and food issues are separate things. it just makes me feel more paranoid that they'll notice.
Funny my dad was so on the head about that though. I distinctly remember a joke he made about a year before I developed my ed, saying that if I ever became anorexic, he'd send me to a Nutella factory bc I wouldn't be able to resist it. Ironically, last year I made my family switch Nutella brands because I couldn't handle the calories in nutella but I couldn't resist it. I'm just feeling very weird right now because I've been dealing with disordered eating for three years, and a full-blown ed for a year right under their noses and whenever they mention it I get really on edge.
