lungs

part 15

"good morning." my mom said as i went downstairs, getting ready to go to the bus stop. i didn't answer her, i don't really wanna talk to her.

i hear her sigh as i get something to eat for breakfast. "your not walking this morning to the bus." she said.

i look at her and frown. "why?" i said taking out a granola bar.

"it's bad for your lungs. it's too much walking for you. so i'm taking you." she says.

"no i'm not." i said heading towards the door. "i'm fine."

"anna, you are not walking." she said, sternly and coming towards me at the door.

i put my hand on the door nob and look at her in the eyes as she approached me. "watch me." and like that, i opened the the door and walked out.

it's not like i'm being defiant, i just don't wanna be around her or dad. i mean, they're making me choose between them. i'm sixteen years old, yeah i only have one lung, but that doesn't stop me from doing things besides moving around a lot.

i feel as the cold air hits my cheeks. i put up my sweatshirt hoddie as i walk across the street to joeys house.

i thought about last night, did our kiss really mean anything? we were just in the moment, right?

i guess i was a good kisser. i mean, back at san francisco, kyle and i barely even kissed. we usually held hands, god his hands were so sweaty. joey was a good kisser though, so i don't know what he meant by "he treats women horrible."

i hear a click and look over at joeys front door. he opens the door and i see the one and only, joey birlem comes out.

i suddenly feel overwhelmed by his presence. and i feel anxious about what i'm wearing. i look at his outfit and then i look at his. with me, wearing skinny jeans, vans, and a oversized sweatshirt, and with him, a yellow champion hoddie with black ripped jeans with checkeredbora yellow vans. is this even good enough?

"hey." he said as he stepped down from his porch and in front of me.

i let out a small smile as i meet his eyes, "hi."

we start walking down the side walk. he doesn't really act himself as we do, he has a stiff structure as he walks beside me. he looks nervous, almost like he's nervous around... me?

he was looking down as we walked and was kicking a pebble. he's mostly talking about something when he walk together, but now he's silent.

i nudged his shoulder and look at him. "hey, birlem, you okay?" i asked.

he looks up at me from kicking the pebbles. "can i be honest with you?" he asked.

what? honest about what? "sure." i said.

he looks straight ahead like there's someone there, but there's no one. "why are you even friends with me, anna?"

i arched a eyebrow. "what do you mean?"

"like you're so nice to me, and you don't just throw yourself at me like all the other girls, like," he looks at me, "you treat me a way that i don't even deserve to be treated."

"i guess because you're so nice to me when i met you. you know, helping me move in. you were kinda like my first friend when i moved." i said, and i'm right, he was and is my first friend. "you know, i never thought i would find someone like you in my life, find someone so accepting and supportive to me."

"really?" he asked.

" i almost died a year ago, and now i'm hear walking with you." i said.

he looks up at the sky. "what's it like?" he asked.

"what's what like?"

"almost dying." he said.

i shrug. "i don't know." i said. this is weird. i never in my life spoke to anyone about this, especially this.

"at the moment, you think about what you haven't done in life. and then you picture what it would be like when you're gone, and," i take a deep breath, "it's scary, you know?"

he nodded, "sometimes i think about dying."

i never though about dying before the accident. i always loved my life, it's funny how i hate it now. and i'm surprised how joseph thinks about dying. his life is so perfect, he has a nice house, well i don't know what he been through so i don't really know.

"you do?" i asked.

"yeah," he shakes his nose head, likes he remembers something he doesn't wanna remembers. "i always feel like i'm never wanted. my mom is always taking care of kashius, my stepdad, dylan, is always at work, my older siblings are at college, and sophia is a teenager, and you know how fourteen year olds are."

our eyes meet, his eyes look like they're about to break down in tears and is about to have a mental break.

i look down at his hands. i take my hand and lace our fingers together, holding his hand.

"you got me, birlem."