lungs

part 69

{50 votes till next chapter}

i furrowed my eyebrows out of confusion, "i'm not understanding. did you and jeremy get into a fight?"

"no" he says, looking back down at his feet.

"so you guys are good?" i asked, still confused.

"no."

"what happened?" i asked.

"i broke up with him." he says, running his hands through his hair.

"what why? i thought you loved him." i said.

"you wouldn't understand." he says, chuckling in a way slightly.

"yeah you're right, i don't understand." i say, swinging myself on the swing.

"i'm in love with someone else, anna." he started to tear up, "they're the most kindest, warmest, funniest person in the world."

"tell them that. i'm sure they would feel the same." i said.

he sniffles, "see that's the point. they wouldn't feel the same."

"why?"

he stood up, "do you wanna know why anna?" he asked, losing his temper in a way.

"yes."

"because i see them everyday smiling with someone else, hugging someone else, kissing someone else, saying those three words that they should say to me to someone else." he yelled.

"jaco-"

"and you know who that is, anna!?" he says.

"who?" i whispered.

"it's you." he breathed

i stayed silent, speechless. "okay? i'm fucking in love with you anna. and you're with joey and there's nothing i can do about it."

"aren't you, you know-"

"no, i'm not gay. i'm bi. i just dated jeremy so i could get my mind off of you. and i knew that if i told you i was gay then maybe i could just forget those feelings. and guess what? i didn't." he fell to the ground and started to cry, "i can't go a day with out falling deeper in love with you, anna."

i never been in this situation before, i don't know what to say or do. i love joey, i didn't even know jacob was in love with me.

"i'm so sorry jacob, i didn't know." i whispered, going up to him and sitting down next to him.

he brought his legs up his chest any hugged his knees. "yeah well now you know." he says.

"i don't know what to say, i'm so sorry." i say. i felt like crying at this point. i never knew this and now he's in pain. i can't imagine what he's going through.

"you don't need to say anything. what would you say anyways?" he says, "you're with joey." he says and it's true. i am with joey.

"i'm sorry."

he groans, "you know what?" he stood up, "just forget it. you can't do anything about it and i can't do anything about it."

he started to walk away as i felt my eyes getting watery. "jacob-"

"bye anna." he started to walk off, leaving me there as the sun was almost gone.

i went up on the play set and sat on top of the slide, curled up in a ball. did i just lose my best friend?

i'm such a horrible person. how could i have not seen that? i must've put him through so much and i was blind to it.

i started to cry. as much as i tried to hold it in, i couldn't. it's like i'm feeling his pain. all his pain, all his tears, all his suffering; it's like he passed it onto me now.

when you're heartbroken by someone it's the worst, but when you break someone's heart, it sticks with you forever and you can't make it go away. it's like tattoo; permanent

that's how i feel. this is never gonna go away now. i broke his heart and i can't put it back together.

tell me what's the secret to love, i don't get. is love even true? it's supposed to be the best feeling ever, like a blessing. but how is it a blessing when you get hurt in the end?