lungs

part 46

{here's a long one since i took so long to freaking update <3 also thanks for 15k !!}

the day after christmas joey decided to throw a christmas party since his family left to go to his stepdads family's house. he's invited a lot of people from school. and with me being new to the school, i don't know a darn person.

i look at jacob and take a big sigh. i never been to a party like this in a long time, let alone a high school party.

"maybe i should go home and help out with sam." i said. i don't really want to do this.

jacob scoffs, "anna marie cross, you are coming to this party. periodt! no pad no tampon."

i slight chuckled as he put his hand on the door nob before opening it. "what ever you say."

as we walked in, the smell of beer and fills my nose. that's what makes up a high school party: alcohol. luckily, i can't have alcohol because of my lung. i never wanted to drink anyways. even before my accident i didn't drink.

i saw joey sitting down on his couch with hunter talking. he sees me and smiles, "hey cross." cross, just the way he says it makes me want him to wrap his arms around me and never let go.

"hi." i said as he got up and did what i wanted him to do. he hugs me real tight and nuzzles his chin in my neck.

we sit down on the couch while jacob goes to the bathroom. joey, obviously, puts his hand on my thigh and traces his thumb in circles.

"how was your christmas?" hunter asked us, "you know with your family and all."

joey goes first, "good. i got presents from my family. we went to the city and saw the lights, and i got a skateboard."

hunter nods, "i wanted to go and see the lights but i didn't feel like it. what about you anna?" hunter says.

i shrug, "it was just the three of us this year, but my siblings sent me a card and some presents."

i look at his eyes and see sorrow in them. i don't like that. every time when i mention my family someone gets that look in their eyes, i feel like a baby. i'm not a baby though, i'm a junior in high school, one year away from senior then off to college.

"i'm sorry about your fam-" i cut hunter off before he could say anything else about my family.

"it's fine, really it's fine."  i told him, making joey look at me with that 'are you okay?' look.

i feel overwhelmed. i feel like as if i'm falling down a deep deep whole with no way out. my exhale and out haling get more heavy. i need to get out of here, i knew that i shouldn't have came. "can i use the bathroom?" i said.

joey removes his hand from my thigh and nods. he's understanding what's going on, i hope. "yeah sure babe, go ahead. you remember where it is right?"

"yeah." i said, already getting up and making my way to the bathroom.

i close the bathroom behind me and lock it. my hands run through my hair as i look at myself in the mirror. i'm a mess right now and i don't know why. all i just want to do right now is go home.

i lean on the sink counter with my hands and stare at my reflection. i turn on the sink and run my face in the water. i need to refresh myself, just...reboot.

everything is okay, everything is okay, every thing is okay, everything is okay, everything is okay....everything...is...okay...

i dry off my face with a towel and open the door. i wipe my palms on my jeans see jacob in a hallway.

"jacob?" i said.

he turns around and i see jeremy there with him. jacobs hair was a mess and he had a hickey on his neck.

"what the fuck? jeremy?" i say

oh my god, jeremy has been the one that has been giving him hickeys.

a whole wave of betrayal takes over me. jeremy  put jacob through so much shit and then he's in a hallway making out with him? i stuck up for jacob and this is what i get? "you're not even gonna say anything? like...what? h-how? and why?!"

"anna i can explain." he says, coming up to me.

i don't want to hear it, he betrayed me. "no, i'll just go home. i knew i shouldn't have came."

i walk away and ignoring him as he called my name. i have done so much for him and this is what i get? what the hell man? what the actual hell.

from the corner of the room i see something i thought i'd never see in a million years. something that i'd thought i never see even after i'm dead; lexi is kissing joey.

what the fuck is going on at this party? "joey?" i said loud enough for lexi to pull away.

she turned around and smirked at me as she put her hands on her hips. "hi anna!" she says with a bitchy tone.

the music was getting louder than ever. i parted my jaw and looked at joey. "w-wha-"

"baby i-" lexi cuts joey off.

"baby? you told me you guys broke up?" lexi says looking at the two of us.

"we never broke up. actually we've been together for almost three months. right joey?" i say.

joey itches the back of his neck, "right." he says, "i-"

"save it. you don't need to explain. i shouldn't have came obviously." i told him as i was walking towards the door.

"anna."

"leave me the fuck alone joey! god damn! you're always on my fucking ass like just leave me the hell alone!" i yelled, making heads turn.

"come on. it was an accident." he says.

"it clearly wasn't a accident by the look of it. why can't you just be smart and think of others for once!" i told him.

"think of others? i buy you all of this shit; flowers, stuffed animals, chocolates, candy. even more shit and this is what i get? i don't think about others!?" joey yells.

"it's not always about you or the objects!" i say.

"no it's not about me, anna, or the objects. it's about us, our fucking relationship. these past three and a half months have been the best thing that has ever happened to me. you, anna, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me." he said with his voice cracking, "so don't you fucking try any shit and leave me. i can loose you cross."

"i can't be with you if you're gonna mess up like this joey!" i said, "i mean heck, you didn't even tell her that we were together, you just let her kiss you like that."

"i don't mess up!" he protested.

"then what did you just do?" i asked as he went silent. "huh? i'm waiting."

he was still silent.

i sigh and wiped my tears before they fell on the ground. "we need a break."

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poor anna :'(