lungs

part 68

ever since joey beat up dylan, mckenna and dylan left. which was 2 months ago.

they didn't press any charges because both of them knew that dylan would get in trouble for harassing me. joey broke dylan's nose though, so that was okay. he deserves it.

mckenna said that she never wanted to talk to me ever again and she wish she never came. she didn't go back to her moms that's for sure. i don't really know where she went but i know it's out of state.

my life has been better ever since she left, there's only one week left of school. i can't believe i'm going to be a senior. i wonder what my life would be like after school. i wonder what college i'll go to. maybe NYU since it's so close.

joey said he doesn't know if he wants to go to college. he doesn't want to leave his mom with kashius and sophia yet. i mean, i wouldnt want to leave mom with sam either. that why i didn't leave with sarah and mathew, but sometimes you have to let go. we spoke about it a couple of times but it's never something we really talk about.

what would happen to joey and i when we i go to college? i don't wanna leave him. i love him too much to do that to him. i literally can't go a day without him. i need him.

joey and i have been dating for 9 months now. i can't believe that the time has gone so fast. we started dating after 3 weeks when i moved in, we just clicked so fast. and now, gosh, i can't explain how much i'm in love with him.

as i was doing homework, i got a text from jacob.

jacob
"hey."

i picked up my phone and texted him back. i'm glad that he texted me, i felt like we were drifting in a way ever since my birthday party. i've been hanging out with haillie a lot more.

me
"hi. how are you?"

jacob
"i'm doing okay i guess. do you wanna hang out?"

i smiled

me
"sure what time?"

jacob
"now if that's okay."

me
"yeah, sure. just come to my window."

jacob
"can joey not come? i just want it to be me and you."

that's weird, he would always want joey to come. i guess he just wanted to tell me something and he doesn't want joey to know. just like when he came out to me, he didn't want joey to know.

maybe it's something about his family. i know his sister is in college and is always getting into trouble there from what i remember. he would call me when he was upset.

me
"yeah sure. you can talk to me about anything."

jacob
"see you in five."

me
"okay."

i put my phone down and put on a sweatshirt. it's a sweatshirt that joey gave me a long time ago that i never gave back. he forgot about it so now it's mine.

i still have the teddy bears and the three fake roses that he gave me every time he came to my window. one we named "shithead" and the other one... we didn't name it.

tyrone, that's the name of the bear, tyrone.

my phone buzzes

jacob
"i'm here"

i put on my slides and put my phone in my pocket before getting out the window. i climbed down the tree and stood in front of jacob.

"hi."

"hey." i said to him. why does this feel awkward?

"do you want to go to the park?" he asked.

"sure."

we started to walk to the park in silence. this is weird. jacob never acts like this, especially around me. he always has a smile on his face and making jokes.

now, well, he's wearing all back, sweatshirt and jeans, with his hood up. his hair was messy and he looks like he got three hours of sleep.

this isn't jacob. this isn't my jacob.

we got to the park and sat on the swings. he put his head down and kicked the mulch below us.

"why are you even friends with me, anna?" he said, catching me off guard.

i frowned, "jacob, you're my best friend. that's why, because i love you."

he looked up at the sky, not even looking at me. "do you ever feel trapped?"

" not often." i said.

"have you ever been in love with someone so much that you can't tell them because you know they don't feel the same?" he says, looking at me in the eyes.

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what does jacob mean? comment your thoughts!