lungs

part 85

i was caught off guard by what he just said. "what?" i asked him.

he nodded and stood up. "i mean damn anna, look at our life! we're so in love one minute and the other we're completely strangers."

i shook my head and backed up in my bed. "are you crazy? we can't just run away joey, we're seventeen!" i say. "i mean what about our families? what about jacob, and zoe?"

"don't you want to start over? we can make a life for the two of us, just you and me." he says, trying to convince me.

starting over with joey does sound like a good idea, but how will we live? we have no money, no jobs, no homes. if we leave, how will we provide for each other, let alone ourselves?

i titled my head sideways and looked at him weirdly. "don't look at me like that, cross. you know you wanna do it."

"how much crack did you smoke, joey?" i asked him, and actually not joking around. "you sound like a freaking crackhead right now."

"i don't smoke." he says, catching himself from going off track. "t-that's not the point. i wanna live the rest of my life with you anna! i don't wanna live in this east coast hell hole forever."

"then why did you leave?" i said as anger took over me. "huh? you left me broken for days joey! i know that i was the one that called it off but i thought that you were gonna come back to me."

"anna-"

"no!"i yelled, over the loud thunder. "i thought that maybe you didn't want to let me go. but no, you just said "okay" and went to florida and got together with zoe." i felt tears coming out of my eyes.

"i fucking thought about you every single day, and i regret letting you go anna." he says.

"then why are you with zoe? why did you agree to break up?" i asked.

"because." he looked down, "fuck- i wanted to get over you...but i can't." he started to break down into tears, falling onto the ground. "i just can't." he cried.

no matter how many times i tell him that i hate him, i will still love him with all of my heart. the fact that he's crying because he couldn't get over me just breaks up heart. i can't see him like this. not now, not ever.

i got off my bed and went to him on the floor. i wrapped my arms around his back and rubbed it. "why can't you just break up with zoe?" i asked, whispering.

"it's not that simple." he says, looking up and wiping his tears. "i like her and all but i love you. i don't wanna break her heart."

i sighed and thought of something. "if you break up zoe, i'll break up with jacob." i said.

"then can we get out of here?" he asked as his face lit up.

"maybe." i said. "but we got to think long and hard if we're gonna make that decision."

"okay, i'll break up with her tomorrow." he says, all bold and confident.

"if you say so." i say.