lungs

part 44

it's christmas day. luckily, i got my presents all in time, especially for hunter. i asked joey what would hunter like and he told that it doesn't matter. so i gave him a card like i was going to do before.

joey and i are putting the christmas tree up. ever since sam was born, we never had the time to do anything, especially put up the christmas tree.

joey is really exited to meet sam. he's been dying to ever since he as born. i guess it's because he has a little brother around sams age. oh my gosh, they could be best friends.

"when am i meeting him?" he asked me as he put a decoration on the tree.

i smile, "your meeting him when everyone gets here." i said, "he's sleeping right now upstairs."

"why can't i meet him now?" he says, grabbing an ornament from the box.

"because he's sleeping." i said leaving the living the room.

"where are you going?" he asked.

"i'm getting the lights for the tree. just keep on hanging things." i tell him before i make my way to the basement.

my mom said that the boxes of christmas tree lights were in the basement. they were there even before we moved so i already know where they are.

i find the box where lights are. i open it up and they're not there, it's pictures of my family. i pick up the pictures and sit down on the cold floor.

i miss them so much. it breaks me how i'm decorating the chistmas tree with joey instead of my family. fresh in blood. they would've loved sam, he's so cute.

the picture is all of us at easter last year. a little time after my accident. everyone was in fancy outfits. mom, sarah, and i were in dresses while dad and mathew was in tux's.

we're all smiling, especially mom and dad as they were standing next to each other. we all looked so happy, so perfect, something that we'll never be again. a family.

"are you okay?" i hear.

i turn my head behind me and see joey above me. the look on his face showed concern. "you're crying, babe." he says.

i didn't know that i was crying. i wipe my tears and put away the picture. "i know. " i say.

he sits down next to me and gets out the picture again that i put away.

he looks at me from the picture with guilt in his eyes. he puts his arm out and brings me close to chest.

"i'm sorry, anna." he whispers in my ear.

"you don't need to be sorry, birlem." i told him, while sniffing, "it's fine."

"no its not. i want to do something to make you happy, i hate seeing you like this." he says.

"joey, everyone can't be happy all the time." i say, and it's true. not everyone can't be happy all the time, especially me.

"i know," he says then pauses, " i just want you happy. shit, i'll give you the whole world if you wanted, just to make you happy."

"now you're exaggerating, you cant give me the whole world." i told him, as he starts to scratch my back.

"i know but if i could i would." he says while smiling down at me. his face then drops and goes serious, "i'll..i'll even die for you, cross."

i gasp and slap his chest, "don't say that. you're not dying now and you sure as hell not dying soon."

he smirks, "i know." he says, "just saying though because that's how much i love you."

i look down and blush. he starts to play with my hair as we sit there in silence on the cold basement floor.

our silence isn't awkward or boring, it's comfortable. sometimes being quiet is good. to me, it shows how comfortable we are with each other around. it shows how we react when we touch each other.

i sigh and look up at him, "joey."

"hm."

i hesitate, "i know that i haven't told you yet, but i love you."

he smiles and hugs me tight in his arms, making me even close to his chest then i was.

"i love you too."

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"no, you promised me!"