Always and Forever (Showki fanfic)

Ch. 127: Despair and Warmth

A/N: Happy belated New Years! I hope that 2019 treats all of you guys well! Thank you for 35k views<3

Kihyun

~after dinner~

To clear my mind, I decided to take a shower. I absentmindedly grabbed a sweatpants, a pair of boxers, and a t shirt from a drawer. I walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. After I locked the door, I put my clean clothes onto the hooks in front of the toilet and then stripped off my clothes one by one. I tossed each article of clothing to the ground not caring to put it into the hamper that is in the bathroom.

Next, I opened shower door and walked inside. I turned on the water and didn't bother to move out of the way to avoid being hit by cold water. Each drop felt like a bullet piercing through me. Pain from the cold water pricks me all over. I bit my lower lip and held my hands in front of me.

I stare at them. They have been a part of me since before, but...today...they feel like they are not mine. I can't tell if they are shaking right now because of the cold water or because of my illness. In the next few seconds, the water becomes scorching hot. My skin feels like it is on fire, but it doesn't bother me.

Steam surrounds me and seems to threaten to suffocate me. I sighed and turned it down to a 100 Fahrenheit. I turned my face up to let the water rain down on my face all the while holding my breath. I can feel each droplet hitting my face and sliding down my body. I wish that it could wash away what is killing me, but it won't. 

My lungs burn from the lack of oxygen. I held a bit longer before taking in a much needed breath. Is this what it feels like to not be able to breathe? I chuckled darkly at this thought before laughing loudly. Then, I punched the wall next to me with my right hand. Pain shoots up my arm, but it felt like nothing compared to the pain of despair that has been plaguing me since we came back from the hospital. 

I slowly unfolded my fingers on my right hand. I let out a small cry, but quickly stopped myself from continuing to cry out. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I ran my left hand through my hair when I dropped it back down to my side. I noticed that something was on it. I opened my eyes and looked down at my left hand. 

It was covered with my hair. Pink strands curling around my hand like a python around antelope. I angrily scrubbed at my hand to get them all off. Pink strands fall of my hands and goes down the drain. My legs gave out. I curled in on myself and started to cry silently.

~fifteen minute later~

*bathroom door banging open*

"Kihyun ah," Hyunwoo shouts, but it sounds only like a whisper to me. 

*shower door opening*

"Kihyun," he shouts again. He grabs me by the shoulders and forces me to face him. I tried to keep my face buried in my hands, but he pulls them away. "Kihyun," he says softly. He cups my cheeks and looks into my eyes with worry dripping out his eyes. He wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me to him. Then, he cups the back of my head and makes me lay my head on his shoulder. 

I numbly reached up and wrapped my arms around his waist. I hid my face against his neck and tried to will the tears to stop, but they wouldn't.  He presses his cheek to the top of my head and strokes my back. 

Hyunwoo

I could feel him trembling in my arms. I can hear him sobbing clearly despite the fact that the water is still running. We stayed like this for a few more minutes until I made us stand up. I turned off the water and grabbed the towel that was hanging just outside the shower door. I wiped away the water from him the best  I could with him holding onto me. I carried him out of the bathroom and into our walk in closet. I grabbed a pair of ash grey boxers, a fluffy beige pajama pants, and one of my black t shirts.

I set him down on the chair, but he refuses to let go of me. So, I dropped the clothes onto the floor. Then, I gently pulled his arms and legs away from me and picked up the pair of boxers. I grabbed his left ankle,  put it through the left leg of the boxers, and vice versa. He sniffs and rubs at his eyes with his right hand. Next, I gestured for him to hold up his arms. He does it. I picked up the shirt from the ground and put it on him. When his head pops out from the shirt, I pressed a kiss to his forehead, and one on each cheek before kissing him on the lips. 

He gives me tiny smile and kisses me back afterwards. I smiled back and picked up the sweatpants. He lifts up his legs and lets me put it on him. I quickly changed out of my clothes and tossed it into the hamper the is next to the door. He isn't crying anymore. His eyes are red and his face is flushed. I pick him up and carried him to our bed. 

I shifted him a bit, so I could pull back the blanket. Once I did that, I put him down on the bed. He puts his legs in the part of the blanket that wasn't pulled back and scooted backwards before patting the space in front of him. I got on the bed and pulled the blanket over us. He moves my left arm, so that his head was on it. Then, he wraps his right arm around me. He taps his fingers rhythmically and in time with my heartbeats on my stomach. I pressed a kiss to the top of his head and held him closer to me trying let him know silently that I will always be there to keep him warm. 

A/N: Please note that warm in this last sentence doesn't only refer to temperature.