Seven Sins | BTS x Reader

Envious

You woke up on the sofa after what felt like it had been a long, exhausting sleep. The chimney fire had burned down and nothing but the red glimmer of the last ashes lit the dark room. The house was quiet, as if all the demons had gone to rest as well, even if you assumed that they didn't sleep. You freed yourself from the blankets that one of them must've draped around you and set your feet on the stone ground. You were well rested and sitting around doing nothing would just cause the memories of what happened before to twirl around in your head again, so you got up to get yourself something to drink.

You entered the kitchen to find it deserted. Jin was nowhere to be seen. You searched the cupboards one by one until you found a glass, then filled it with water and leaned against the kitchen island. Kitchens always had a calming effect on you, and you weirdly enjoyed standing bare-footed on the cold ground in a quiet house, drinking water and for once thinking of nothing. For the first time, you were actually inspecting the room more closely.
The kitchen was rustic, wood and stone dominating the interior, even if the dishes seemed more modern than that. There were herbs growing in a few pots on one of a countertops, inexplicably so because of the lack of sunlight, but you suspected it was some form of spell Jin used to keep them alive. You stepped closer and extended your hand, rubbing some basil leaves between your fingertips and stroking over a small bush of rosmary. The feel of something real, something worldly, made your heart ache, but the pain vanished when you turned to your right and, nipping from your water, grew aware of an old photograph that was stuck to one of the wall cupboards. It showed a group of young men, and only when you took a closer look at the blotchy, yellowed picture did you realize it was actually the demons.
You couldn't help a small chuckle – all of them looked like the exact depiction of their character. Yoongi cold and distanced, Jungkook with obvious curiosity and slight discomfort, Taehyung bored, Jin stiff but not unfriendly, Hoseok with a wide smile yet a sharp spark in his eyes, Jimin also with a smile, just a more reserved one, and Daimon on his arm, and finally Namjoon – stern expression, crossed arms, and dark, dark eyes.
You found your glance resting on the latter longer than intended and quickly averted your eyes elsewhere, just to nearly drop your glass in shock when you saw Jungkook leaning in the doorframe and watching you.

"Fuck", you quietly cursed, extending your trembling hand to set the glass down safely on one of the countertops. "Surprised me."
Jungkook flinched ever so slightly and finally looked away, apparently finding a large interest in his toes. "Sorry", he mumbled. "I didn't intend to sneak up on you."
You noticed the large, dark circles under his eyes and stepped a bit closer. "Are you okay?", you asked, true worry making your heart clench. "I'm sorry for what happened to you."
Jungkook looked up again with a firm glance. "Thank you for your concern", he replied, then huffed with a bitter laugh. "I'm... recovering. Yoongi is strong." He rubbed his chest absentmindedly. "I'm sure he held back, but no one dares to fully defy Namjoon's orders."
You kept quiet for a while, fighting down feelings of guilt and compassion. "I hope you'll be feeling better soon", you finally answered, forcing a weak smile onto your face, and quickly swallowed the words 'At least you didn't lose a part of your soul'. Still Jungkook seemed to know what you were thinking, because he turned away a little and ran his fingers through his messy hair with obvious distress.

"You know", he finally broke the silence again, his voice sounding strained. "I should apologize, too. For... that attack on you, the other day."
His hand dropped to his side and he sighed, facing you again though his tensed pose and his hunched shoulders gave away how much he hated it. "I shouldn't have... You know." He seemed at a loss for words and you felt bad for him how he just stood there, seeming like a little boy who apologized for stealing chocolate, so you decided to interrupt.
"It's too late now", you replied, shrugging although the squeeze in your chest proved that it was indeed not as okay as you made it out to be. "It can't be changed. I won't make a fuss over it, and I won't blame you for", you hesitated and took a deep breath, "for your natural behaviors. It's okay."
Jungkook watched you with obvious surprise and doubt, but his voice was clear when he replied. "It's not okay, Y/N, and I'm angry with myself because it is my natural behavior, not despite of it." He stepped forward and rested his palm on one of the cold surfaces as if he had to remind himself that this was real. "It's not like I love being a demon. But it's not like I had a choice either."
He spat out those words with so much bitterness that again, you sympathized with him. "What happened to all of you", you murmured softly, realizing that all of the devils seemed broken in one way or another, and every single one of them dealt with it in their own way – some for better, some for worse.
Jungkook ignored your comment and stared at his hand as if he couldn't bear to look you in the eye. "Not everyone is born to be a devil", he said, quietly, as if he spoke to himself. "But me, I seem to fail to adjust fully."
He looked up and suddenly there was something like pain in his eyes. "I'm envious", he admitted, voice so close to breaking you nearly expected tears to run down his face. "Envious of you. Envious of humans, who have emotions, feelings, who have pain and all the fleeting joys of life to dwell in..." He raised his hand from the countertop.
"I envy those who can die", he finished his monologue.

He didn't look up immediately, but suddenly two warm hands entered his field of vision, engulfed his cold one and when he raised his head, he was met with two warm, friendly eyes and a small smile when you looked at him – no judgement, despise or shock evident in your expression – and softly said, "It's nice to meet you, Envy."