𝖍𝖆𝖑𝖋 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖛𝖊𝖓, 𝖍𝖆𝖑𝖋 𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖑

Mazikeen #35

Sitting on a table with all the Avengers was a dream for like everyone, well everyone but me. For me, it wasn't really a bless. Pretending that everything's fine, everything is good, everyone loves each other, eww, how I hated things like that. Most importantly, because they acted like we would be a family but we weren't, without any doubt.

Sam sat down beside me, thus closing the circle of people. Everyone ate joyfully, told stories, laughed and had much fun. I just sat there, not knowing what to do and when I would finally get permission to leave. I felt Steve's glances on me, driving me insane. »Maze you didn't even touch your plate.« Tony determined. »Who cares.« I was absolutely not hungry, quite in the reverse, I even felt crammed. »Well I do, if it's because of that thing I... « I stood up, filled with anger. »What? You told me? Yeah, wow, great job Tony, I'm proud of you. Maybe one time in your fucking life you were right. I know it was the worst idea someone could have and that it was a mistake, yes I know you warned me, but what did you expect? Instead of telling me, what fool I am you could help me, but no, your proudness is more important to you than everyone, I got it.« I yelled sarcastically and the room went silent within a second. »Maze calm down, he didn't even say something.« Wanda's voice appeared and the level of rage in me rose, although I thought that wasn't possible. »Oh shut up, you have no idea what you're talking about.« I turned around and left. I just couldn't stay, acting like everything's fine and perfect. I certainly knew that I just overreacted like hell but I just couldn't keep it anymore.

The next day at school was pretty lame. In our last lesson for that day I told Peter, that I couldn't do that anymore. Being with him, to get attention. He looked a bit disappointed so I planned how I could get him and MJ one step further. After biology, I arranged a conversation with Peter in front of Michelle, so that she would definitely hear it. »Oh my god, Peter! You break up with me because you love this outsider?« Pete looked at me confused. »What are you up to Maze?« He whispers but I shook my head. »I am so much better than Michelle, she is such a freak.« I shouted and now I got her attention. Peter understood what I wanted and immediately tried to stop me from talking. »Are you crazy?« He whispered and wanted to flee but I didn't let him. »Have fun with this bitch.« I yelled. »She is not a bitch, you are, that's why I like her, because she is kind and such a precious human being, and so not like you.« He finally yelled back but immediately regretted it. I acted hurt and ran away from them, right into Happy's car.

I hope she liked what you said Pete. I thought and waited inside the car for Lucy. After some time she arrived. I looked at her pissed, so she decided to not talk to me, which was a damn good idea. At the Stark Tower, I went immediately into my room, not saying hello to anyone, just like every day.

Until evening nobody destroyed the beautiful hours, me being alone in the darkness. Anyway, I heard a knock and Tony entered without waiting for my response. »What are you doing? That's not healthy, you need fresh air, sun for Vitamine D and most importantly society kid. Eating wouldn't be that bad either.« He said opening the curtains, ignoring my moan. He gave me a sandwich and sat down beside me on the floor. »If I promise to miss you, will you go away?« I said looking disgusted at the sandwich in my hands. »Not until you finished it.« My jaw dropped. »Finish it? You being serious? That's family-sized.« »What? That's not family-sized, that's not even... « »Everything's family-sized for an orphan.« I interrupted him and he went silent.

»Look I'm sorry for not being there for you, as I should have been. I'm just not the type of person, who knows how to deal with teenage dramas.« He said after a while. »Yeah, everything's screwed up now.« I answered but he shook his head. »No, it's never too late to try to fix it. Maybe you didn't notice, but Steve is really suffering. He tries his best to hide, but he blames himself so much.« I laughed sarcastically and bit into the sandwich, noticing too late that I actually didn't want to. »He is totally right to blame himself, it's his fault, not mine, why does it feel like I would get punished for what he did?« I asked rhetorically but Tony decided to reply. »Because you miss him, as much as I wish you wouldn't, and you blame yourself for letting this happen.« He said wisely and stood up. I continued eating my sandwich, due to the frustration I got, because Tony was again so damn right. »Give him a second chance Maze.« He snorted. »I sound like my father.« He determined, shaking his head and left me alone again.

I decided to go for a few punches on a punching bag to reduce stress. I always did, when I felt lost. After an hour, my ankles hurt like hell, but I kept doing it until I recognized some feelings, which definitely weren't mine. I stopped and turned around, facing Steve, coming with bandages and some boxing gloves. Without a word, he gave it to me. Still, no word has been spoken after I bandaged my hands and put on the mitten. Confused I looked at him, he just replied with an emotionless look in his eyes. Then he waved me to him, showing me that I should punch him?
What? No need to ask me twice. I thought and grinned.

He wanted a fight? He'll get one. I made the first hit, right into his face but he didn't defend himself. »What is this going to be? Punishment?« I asked unemotionally. »Question of the perspective.« He answered, so I punched him again. He groaned, normally I would love to beat him up but I changed so much, I just wasn't in mood.

I hit him one last time, then I just had to stop. It hurt to punch him, no matter how much he deserved it. Not thinking, not feeling did I sink into his arms. I noticed how surprised he was, but he relaxed pretty fast and wrapped his arms around me. »I'm sorry.« Voice full of regret. »I know Rogers, it just doesn't change the facts.« I answered and pulled away from him. »I was drunk, I swear it won't happen ever again.« He promised but I shook my head. »You can do whatever you want Rogers and with whoever.« He took my hand, making me feel like a bomb of confetti exploded inside me. »But I want to do it with you Maze. And I know you feel the same.« »What? You know Peter and...« He laughed weakly. »C' mon that with Peter is crab Maze. Please give me a second chance.«

His pleading voice, his sparkling blue, greenish eyes, his hand holding mine, how could I reject him. »I... Alright, that with Peter is shit... I just wanted to let you know that I'm happy without you, even though I'm not.« I answered and a tiny smile appeared on his face. I moaned because I got back to him again, knowing what consequences this could have. »But Steve, I'm just not made for being in a relationship. It's not gonna work out.« His eyes widened. »You can't say that we haven't tried yet.« Now he took my second hand too so that I won't run away. »You will never have the type of relationship you expect Steve... I... « I tried to escape, but he pulled me closer too him and I stopped defending myself. His warm breath tickled on my skin, as we saw in each other's eyes. »I don't care Maze.« His voice was only a whisper, reaching my ears, letting me feel safe. »But I do... you deserve better.« My hand moved up to his cheek. Again I felt this pure kindness in him, letting me realize that he would never kiss Lucy if he wasn't drunk as hell.

The comfortable silence surrounded us like fog, slowly isolating us from reality. I knew I had to end this now before it's going to be too late. »Goodbye, Steve... « My voice was nothing more than a whisper, broken and full of sadness. »No... Maze don't... « His pleading eyes made it so difficult but I knew I had to do this. I was a weirdo, a loner. I was broke and I hadn't the right to pull Steve down too. It was for his best. I moved my hand from his cheek, our eyes tearing up as I turned around making my way out of the training room. It was like in one of those films, it felt like the time stopped and everything went in slow motion, although I wished the moment of seeing Steve standing in the middle of the room, sad and confused, would end quickly and less painfully.