𝖍𝖆𝖑𝖋 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖛𝖊𝖓, 𝖍𝖆𝖑𝖋 𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖑

Mazikeen #23

My first training with Doctor Strange was, well pretty frustrating. He tried to teach me how to use my blades, but they only came when I hadn't expected them to. I found it hopeless to even try, but if he wanted to waste his time like this, I wouldn't stop him.

I wasn't hungry so I skipped lunch and went into my room. It was so bright in there so I closed the curtains. After taking a shower I looked for something to wear for this date with Steve. As he came to my mind, my heart began beating faster. I opened the wardrobe and picked out my outfit.

At exactly 7 p.m I left my room. With every step I made I got more nervous. I went into the elevator and pushed the button. *ding* The door opened and there he stood. My eyes widened at this sight. I hadn't expected him to look that good. Steve recognized my presence and quickly straightened his suit nervously. I went towards him and couldn't hold back a rare, real smile. Daaamnit. I thought. »Wow, you look great.« Steve said, eyes full of excitement and joy. »Don't look that bad yourself Steve.« I winked grinning. Steve laughed and opened the door for me. With a small wave of his hand, he led me inside. I entered Stark's lounge closely followed by Steve.

We sat down and ate in silence. After finishing eating he went to the bar and asked me what I wanted to drink. »A double Martini.« I ordered with a smile and he came back with one for me and one for him. »Not really romantic is it?« He said and I grinned. No, but I need strong alcohol right now. »So how do you fit in here?« Steve asked. »Well quite good actually. It's so different from my earlier life, but I just begin to enjoy it.« I responded with a small wink.

I told Steve about Asgard and meeting my father. He was pretty good at listening and it was quite fun telling him all those things, although talking wasn't usually one of my strengths. »I have to ask this now... What is this thing about Peggy?« I just wanted to know it. Steve sighed and got a bit uncomfortable. »She... Well, I was in love with her while World War 2.« He said and I nodded. »You still love her, don't you?« Immediately he shook his head. »No that was a long time ago, Maze.« »But why did you react like that, as I once mentioned her name?« He took a big sip of his drink before answering. »I don't know, I was just overreacting Maze.« He said and I frowned. What followed was an embarrassing silence. Well done Mazikeen. You managed to kill the conversation.

Only now I noticed that music was playing softly in the background. Suddenly Steve stood up and held out his hand for me to take. »May I?« He asked, slightly smiling. »I...do-don't think that's a good idea.« I responded but he just reached for my hand and pulled me up to him. »I can't dance...« »Oh c' mon Maze don't play that card now.« He said laughing and took me to the dance floor. Steve put an arm around my waist, which made me flinch. »Are you alright?« He asked and I nodded. I didn't want my past to ruin this, so I was willing to try. I let my hand sink on Steve's shoulder, my other hand already laying in his. We were so close, I could feel his breath and his heart beating fast against his chest.

Suddenly I heard voices shouting inside my head. »You'll get what you deserve you slut!« I tried to ignore it and to focus on the dance with Steve, but I slowly drifted deeper into this. »Get off!« I shouted and hit around but his grip just tightened. He wrapped his strong arms around my waist and pushed me against the wall. »GET THE FUCK AWAY!« I screamed as he began kissing my neck. He smashed his hand right across my face, which let me shut up immediately. His hands moved under my T-shirt, reaching for my breasts. Tears were streaming down my face and I just tried to hit him with my head, because my head was the only thing I could move. He groaned and hit me again and smiled. He smiled like a psychopath, as he pressed his lips against mine.

Finally, I could get back to reality, away from this terrible memory. I recognized my eyes tearing up as I felt this amount of disturbance, anger and... was it disgust? coming from Steve. »You... you saw it?« I asked and couldn't help but back off. Steve didn't answer, he didn't at least nod or something to let me know. He just stared at me, shocked. I turned around, my pulse rising and my breathing getting faster within a second. The fear hit me like a punch right into my stomach. I just wanted to get away, forgetting this face he just gave me, but I hyperventilated and got dizzy. I collapsed onto the floor, every chance to calm myself down was gone by now.

I was caught in a cloud of feelings, which tore me apart. You messed it up! It echoed through my head, which hurt so much. It felt like someone had put millions of knives in my head and this awful pain didn't want to go. I felt someone touching me, which just let my body shaking. »Maze! Calm down.« Someone said quietly but it felt like he was shouting at me. I smelt this sweet smell, which only could belong to Steve. I tried to focus on it and it helped me calm down a little bit. »Everything's fine, your here with me, nobody will hurt you Mazikeen.« Now I could also assign his voice to Steve. Tears were streaming down my face, absorbed by Steve's suit because I was leaning against his chest, his arms wrapped around me protectively. I could feel his heart beating against my head. It relaxed me, hearing him living because I felt everything but alive.

After, which felt like hours my breathing adjusted to his. I stopped crying, but I let out weak sobs regularly. Steve moved his hand soothingly up and down my back. Sometimes I pulled away. I was so embarrassed, he noticed it and took my head, softly putting a kiss on my forehead. I sank back into his arms, breathing exhausted in and out. »I'm so sorry... « Steve whispered. »Don't be. I don't blame you for being disgusted, after seeing this... « I responded with a weak voice. »What? No! I'm sorry for forcing you to dance, although you didn't want to.« I shook my head. »I wanted, I still want it's just I can't help it, it just comes all back up, I can't stop it.« I explained upset. »It's alright Maze, we don't have to rush it. I can give you so much time you need.« He said and I sighed. »I... I just don't know how long it takes me to get over these things. I don't want you to waste your time with something like that. Something like me.« Steve looked into my eyes. »But I want to. I would be a fool for not trying. I want to be with you no matter how long it takes.« He said, which broke me inside. Nobody ever had said something like that to me. »You... you don't understand Steve, I'm a monster. I've killed most of the people, which treated me like this and I don't even feel bad about it. I wouldn't have a problem with doing it again.« »If you are a monster, how do you call those, who did this to you?« He asked rhetorically and pulled me into a final hug, whipping the tears away, which were left on my cheek, bobbing me into sleep, like a mother.