Unknown Factors (Book One)

Ch.110: Goes red again

(A/N: Holy shit, this one turned out a lot longer than I expected.)

  "Aud, what the bloody Hell happened in here?" I heard Spike question as the bathroom light flicked on. I didn't say anything, didn't even move from where I was buried underneath the blankets. "Aud?" There was uncertainty in his voice, and I clenched my jaw.

  I felt a weight on the bed, and the blankets were gently pulled back. My eyes remained locked on the wall straight ahead, not giving any indication that I was aware of Spike's questioning gaze.

  "Love, what happened?" His tone was soft, and I curled up even more, my tail wrapping around my body as I hugged myself tighter. "Come on, now. I didn't do anything, did I?" I still didn't say anything as the vampire looked down at me. "Love, if it's the dishes, I'll do 'em, just talk to me." His fingers brushed my cheek, moving my hair away from my face and behind my ear. "Oh, no, it's not the dishes, is it?" Spike sighed through his nose and he knelt next to the bed in front of me.

  "Aud, look at me, love." Swallowing, I focused my gaze on the blond, and he ran his hand through my hair in a comforting manner. "I know that look. Well, it's not like our day's been the best, huh?" Spike grabbed my wrist and pulled me off of the bed, turning while dragging me into his lap on the floor as he leaned against the bed and held me. I couldn't help it and started sniffling, fighting the tears welling in my eyes as the vampire cradled me to his chest. "You're not evil, darling."

  "Yes, I am."

  "No, you're not."

  "How would you know?" I snapped at him, and he shrugged.

  "Well, you're too nice, for one thing. To other people, I mean."

  "So?"

  "So how can you be evil if you're nice?"

  "How can the duality of mankind exist?" I popped off, and he went quiet, trying to think of a response.

  "Okay, you got me there, but you're not evil, Aud. You never were, and you never will be."

  "I already am."

  "And what makes you say that?"

  "Look at me." I opened my palms, staring at my black hands and daunting claws through the darkness in the room. "I may not be of this world, but I am still of evil. I'm good at nothing but breaking and burning things. I taste blood and flesh of other demons, I choke on the scent of burnt corpses and ash. I tear apart living things with these hands, William. I am evil. The darkness is only waiting for an excuse to turn this violence from demons to the innocent."

  "That's nonsense. Sure, you may fight in a rather....bloody manner, but that's only because you don't need a weapon."

  "Because I am a weapon."

  "No, Aud. You're a predator."

  "A killer."

  "Listen to me." His hold on me slightly tightened, and I closed my hands. "You're a predator. What you have is natural- tools for hunting, surviving. Is a coyote evil for eatin' a chicken? No, it's not. It's the natural order. The only difference is you use what was given to you to fight. And what do you fight? Evil. You're good, love. Trust me."

  "I'm a monster."

  "Yeah, well, so am I, but that doesn't mean you're gonna go and start killing innocent people. Not all monsters are bad, pet. I was evil- I'd know it if I saw it, and you ain't it. Far from it, in fact." His voice remained soft as he spoke, his chest vibrating beneath my cheek from the noise. "You know what the funny thing is? You always fear being bad, you close yourself off because you're scared to hurt those around you. Now, what evil bastard does that? Hell, you're even feeling guilty for killing demons- most of which were about to kill you or someone else."