Unknown Factors (Book One)

Ch.40: You'll never wanna leave

  "Honey, old saying: 'A watched customer never buys.'" Xander told Anya.

  "They would if they were patriotic." She nodded. Xander looked at Willow while setting down his comic book.

  "Okay, I'm going in. Patriotic?"

  "Yes." The ex-demon smiled. "I've recently come to realize there's more to me than just being human." She said while I was busy fixing my name tag onto my shirt. "I'm also an American."

  "Yes, I supposed you are, in a manner of speaking." Pops agreed as he walked over with his mug in hand. "You were born here- your mortal self." He went to the coffee pot.

  "Well, that's right, foreigner." She glanced at Pops briefly before looking back at us. "So I've been reading a lot about the good ol' US of A. Embracing the extraordinarily precious ideology that's helped to shape and define it."

  "Democracy?" Willow asked.

  "Capitalism: a free market dependent on the profitable exchange of goods for currency, a system of symbiotic beauty apparently lost on these old people." Anya glanced back at the elderly couple. "Look at 'em- perusing the shelves, undressing the merchandise with their eyeballs. All ogle, no cash." She looked at each of us. "It's not just annoying. It's un-American."

  "Appalling. Almost as if they no longer think money can buy happiness." Pops said while leaning over and looking at them.

  "Totally un-American. Oh, and you know what else is un-American? French people."

  "You don't say?" Willow asked sarcastically.

  "From what I hear, they don't tip. Now, French old people- that's really the bottom of the barrel, you know?"

  "An, how's about we try being a bit less prejudiced and a bit more inclusive?" Xander asked. "Not us, just you."

  "Fine." She said before furrowing her brows. "But since we're on the subject-"

  "Anya." Xander cut her off.

  "No, just let me ask." The ex-demon then looked at me. "Where are you even from?" I felt Xander and Willow's eyes land on me.

  "Hey, that's actually a really good question." Willow said. "You don't sound English like Giles, and you sort of talk like an American."

  "Well, children," I cleared my throat while placing my elbows on the table and putting my hands together. "I was taken in by Giles when I was a kid, as you all know, so my years in England have dulled my accent. And I speak like an 'American'," I gave air quotes. "because I loved reading Goosebumps books. I picked up slang and everything else from movies."

  "Okay, but where are you from?" Anya furrowed her brows even more. Clearing my throat again, I deepened my faint accent.

  "I don't know, Anya, why don't you take a guess?"

  "Oh....my....God!" Xander leaned away from me. "That was terrifying."

  "You're Russian?" Willow asked.

  "I don't know, I was a kid. Ask Pops."

  "Hey, Giles?" Willow turned in her seat while catching Pops's attention.

  "Yes, Willow?"

  "Where's Aud from?"

  "Oh, she's Siberian." He said before going back to work. "No one even had the slightest she could breathe fire until she spent her first summer in England. Nearly burnt off everyone's bloody eyebrows when she tried to talk...."