LOOSING HOPE

HOW DO YOU MEND A BROKEN HEART

Sanem was feeling destroyed, after Can walked away tonight. She took her notebook, went outside and sat in her chair by the fire pit. The tears just wouldn't stop falling. She opened her notebook and poured her heart out into her words. Unknown to her, Can was watching her from the balcony. It killed him to watch her cry. He could literally feel her pain and he hated it. After a while, she closed her notebook. She was sobbing loudly by this time. Can watched her lay down on the ground and curl up into a fetal position. He could not stand it any longer and went to her. He sat down on the ground beside her. He pulled her up, so she was laying on his lap. Sanem started pushing him away, but he was stronger than her. Sanem finally just held on and sobbed her heart out. Can rubbed her back, while he whispered loving words into her ear. After a while, Sanem sobs subsided, but she continued to hold on to Can.

Can asked her if she was alright. Sanem told him she would never be alright again. She told Can she was going to admit herself back into the mental hospital. He asked her why. She told Can she was losing her mind again and she was afraid she wouldn't survive this time. Can told her she wasn't going crazy. She was just hurting and that was normal. Sanem told him she didn't know how to live without Can, and he wasn't that Can anymore. Can stared at her with pain in his eyes. He told her he was sorry, and he never meant for this to happen. He never wanted to hurt her. Sanem said she knew this, but it still hurt that her Can was gone. Her Can use to look at her with love in his eyes. She told him she didn't see anything now when she looked into his eyes. She told him she could no longer get use to the fact he talks to her like everyone else. Sanem told him she no longer existed to him. Everything about her has been erased from his mind and heart. She stood up and went into her house.

Can sat outside Sanem's house for quite a while, just thinking about everything. For the first time in his life, he had no answers. He didn't know what to do. He knew he was falling in love with her, but she wanted the old Can and he was gone. He didn't know how to bring him back. He wanted to take her away. Just the two of them, so they could talk this over. He knew she would never agree to it. He would love to take her back to the little beach they just visited. He had to think.

Can got up the next morning and got ready for work. He went out to his truck, but no Sanem. He usually drove her to the agency. He went to her house and the door was unlocked. He went in and yelled for her but got no answer. He went to her bedroom door and it was locked. He banged on it repeatedly but got no response. Finally, he heard her crying on the other side of the door. He yelled for her to open the door, but she refused. He threatened to kick the door in, but still no response from her. So, he did just that. He kicked the door in. He found her laying on the floor in the same fetal position as last night. He bent down and picked her up, placing her on her bed. He laid with her on the bed, wrapped in his arms. He kept whispering words of love to her, while rubbing her arms and back. He told her she couldn't keep doing this to herself. He got up, packed her a few clothing items, picked her up in his arms and walked her to his truck. He ran into his house and did the same. He put his packed bag in the truck with Sanem's bag. He then got in the truck and drove away from the farm.

Sanem remained in some sort of comatose state. Her eyes were open, but she wasn't seeing anything, and she wasn't speaking. Hell, she wasn't even moving her arms or legs. He refused to take her back to a mental hospital. He drove to where his boat was docked. He carried their bags to the boat and came back to get Sanem. He picked her up and carried her onto the boat. He laid her down on the bench seat and then started the boat. He headed to a little beach where his family owned a beach house. It was secluded with nobody else living there. He just hoped when she got out of this state she was in; she wouldn't hate him.

When he docked the boat, she was still out of it. Once again, he carried the bags into the beach house and came back for Sanem. He placed Sanem on the couch. He decided to go and disable the boat, so she wouldn't get any funny ideas and strand him. When he returned to the house, he carried her to the bedroom and laid her on the bed. He climbed in beside her and just held her. He talked to her about nothing and anything. He told her about his hopes and fears. Evidently, she dozed off and Can was right behind her.

When Can awoke sometime later, Sanem was no longer in his arms. He sat up quickly and found her sitting on the bed just staring at him. She asked where she was, and he told her. She asked how she got there, and he told her. She asked why she was there with him, and he told her so they could talk and hopefully work through this. He told her he refused to take her to a mental hospital. She wasn't crazy. He told her he would take care of her and bring her out of this. Can looked at her and she looked so fragile. This is not the Sanem he had gotten to know. The Sanem he met not long ago was a spitfire. This Sanem looked beaten, broken and destroyed. He had to bring her out of this state. He couldn't bare to see her hurting like this. He asked her if she would stay there with him for a while. They could talk, watch movies, eat, swim. Sanem just shrugged her shoulders. Can told her he packed her bag with extra clothes and pointed to it. Again, she shrugged her shoulders. He asked her if she was hungry. Once again, she just shrugged her shoulders. Can thought to himself, this was going to be fun.