LOOSING HOPE

A SECOND CHANCE NOT MEANT TO BE

Sanem didn't know what to say. Can wanted a chance with her. He didn't remember their love for each other, but he just told her he loved her deeply. A new Can. A new love. But she was still in love with the old Can. Her heart felt like she was cheating on the old Can; her Can. Sanem was so confused. It was like there were two Cans combined into one Can. She looked at him and told him she didn't know. She told him she was in love with him, or at least, the old Can and he wasn't here anymore. She admitted to him she saw want, desire and love in his eyes while they were making love, so she knew he did love her. She asked if what would happen when he grew tired of her. Can smiled and touched her face. He said I would never grow tired of you. He told her she excited him, made him want things he never thought he wanted, and she kept him on his toes. He asked her what would happen when she grew tired of him. She said I never grew tired of the old Can and technically, you are him. Can laughed. He then leaned in and kissed her deeply. Sanem opened her mouth wider and kissed him back. One thing led to another and they were kissing, touching, nibbling and licking each other's bodies. This time around, Can lifted Sanem on top him. She panicked and said I have no idea what to do up here. Can laughed and told her do what makes her comfortable.

Sanem started kissing his chest, paying extra attention to his albatross tattoo. Oh, how she loved that tattoo. Can lifted her up and brought her down on him, filling her. There was no pain this time. Sanem did what came naturally and started moving. Can was touching her everywhere. He loved the feel of her skin. He reached down and helped her reach her peak. She reached it in no time flat. Once again, she was flying without wings. She actually saw stars behind her eyelids. Can flipped her on her back and continued moving within her. He started kissing her face and ended up kissing her lips deeply. He felt and heard Sanem moan. He reached his peak and spilled inside of her. Once again, he laid beside her and held her. He told her he couldn't seem to get enough of her. He told her he wanted to go to bed with her at night and wake up with her each morning. Sanem smiled at him.

A little later, they were sitting on the couch in the living room. Can was holding her hand, tracing patterns on her wrist. He looked at Sanem. He told he couldn't believe how fast he fell in love with her again. He asked Sanem if was fast the first time. Sanem told him it seemed like it. She told him he was the first to admit he fell in love with her. She admitted she held back. He asked her why she held back? She told him she had never been in love before and it scared her. The fact she was holding things back from him, concerning Embre, didn't help the situation either. She told him she tried to tell him numerous times but was scared of loosing him. Which she eventually did when the truth came out. He told her he treated her badly back in those days and he was sorry. She smiled and said that's OK. It's over now. It made me a different person, she said. Can told her he may have lost his memories for those two years, but he is feeling a connection to her deep in his soul now. He said my soul must know you are my beloved, my only one. He asked her if she has thought about giving him a chance; a chance to know her better. She looked at her feet and told him she was afraid. Can told her not to be afraid. He was afraid enough for the both of them. She said that is why she is afraid. Can put his finger under her chin and turned her face so she could look at him. He told her he only wanted a chance to get to know her. That was it. No tricks. Sanem said OK. Can reached over and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. He told her thank you.

He asked her if she would come back to the agency. At least to finish the campaign for her creams. She said she would so she could help with the campaign. He said good. Shall I give you a lift in the morning, Can asked. Sanem smiled and OK. He gave her a quick kiss and told her he would see her in the morning.

Sanem was waiting by his truck when Can arrived the next morning. He held the door open for her and she hopped in. He entered on the driver's side. He looked at her and said good morning. She told him good morning. When they arrived at the agency, their new client Ayca was waiting for Can. He told Ayca he wasn't aware of a scheduled meeting. She smiled and told him she just stopped by to let him know her and her friends were doing some climbing tomorrow. She asked Can if he would like to go with them. Can told her sure if nothing came up. She kissed his cheeks and told him to call her and let her know. Sanem stood there in shock. She thought to herself it was already happening again. She walked away. She was berating herself all they way back to her office. Why did she agree to this? He didn't want to get to know her. She was just opening herself back up to another broken heart. She had to get out of here. She quietly gathered her things and headed for the door. She did see Ayca still in Can's office and they were laughing at something funny. She exited the building and hailed a taxi.

She was back at the farm in no time. She decided she needed to leave Istanbul for a while. She phoned the airport and booked a flight to New York for tomorrow night. She had already telephoned the American publisher and he told her to come. Can would be out climbing with Ayca tomorrow night , so she would leave while he was away. Sanem went to her room and began packing. She told the publisher she would stay in New York for 3 months, not 6 months. The publisher was OK with that. In the meantime, Can realized Sanem had left the agency. She was not answering her cell phone. Can did not know what had happened to make her leave. Then it dawned on him. She was jealous of Ayca. He ignored Sanem when he was talking to Ayca about climbing. Oh Lord. He was doing it to her again. He would talk to her after work. Can got a lot of work done before he finished for the day. He then headed back to the farm and Sanem.

He went to Sanem's house when he arrived at the farm. She was sitting in her living room, writing in her notebook. He came in and sat down bedside her. He asked her why she left the agency as soon as she got there today. She told him she didn't feel well and just wanted to go home. He told her he was sorry about Ayca. He was just trying to be nice to a client. Sanem said no apology needed and that she understood. She refused to look at him. She asked him what time they were climbing tomorrow. Can said he wasn't going. He would rather spend time with her. Sanem told him to go and have a great time. She told him she knew he loved sports, so he should go. Can told her he wanted to do something with her, not Ayca. Sanem told him she was a client, so he really didn't want to upset a client. Can was getting tired going back and forth with her, so he told her fine, he would go. Sanem smiled and said great. She then told Can she still wasn't feeling well and was going to hit the sack. Can had a feeling she was trying to get rid of him. He didn't push, so he said OK. He gave her a quick kiss on the lips and left.

Sanem sat there and cried for hours. She was leaving for New York tomorrow and it hurt her to the bottom of her soul. She just didn't have it in her to go through all the pain of a relationship again. It hurt then and it hurts now. Can has so much in common with Ayca and she knew they would make each other happy, once she was gone. She would let her family know she left once she arrived in New York. She needed to do this.