LOOSING HOPE

REMINISCING

After Can and Sanem spent some time just looking at their babies, they went and sat in the living area. Sanem was leaning against Can and he had his arms wrapped around her. Sanem drifted off to the past. She thought of everything her and Can had been through to get to where they were today. She thought of the lies she had told him. She thought of the times he broke her heart. She thought back to the women she was jealous of. The time he kidnapped her and took her to the mountains, so they could talk. Then when Can left her for a year because he thought she stopped trusting him. That year was pure hell for Sanem. She lost her mind and ended up in a mental hospital. She remembered when Emre held her in his arms the day she totally lost it. He had his arms and legs wrapped around her so she would quit thrashing around. He was afraid she was going to hurt herself. He held her while she screamed. She had stopped eating; stopped bathing; and slept all the time. Her parents were scared she was going to do something stupid and just end it all. She wanted too. She didn't want to be alive without Can. She tried calling him; texting him. She never got a reply. It felt like he never existed in her life, except she knew. Her heart and soul felt the absence.

Her parents had her committed to the hospital. She was there for 6 months. They fed her head, heart and soul pills on a daily basis. They tried to get her to forget Can and the love she felt for him. Even though she was numb every day from the pills, she never forgot. She wanted to. She tried. But it did not work. She was released after 6 months. She was on medication daily. She could not go back home. She saw Can everywhere. She had met Mrs. Mihriban in the hospital. She was a volunteer there. She offered Sanem a safe haven to stay for as long as she wanted. Sanem took her up on it. Sanem loved it there. She found peace and tranquility. Yigit was always by her side. Sanem did not know it at the time, but Yigit wasn't the person she thought he was. She finally got her book written and Yigit published it. Yigit wanted to travel with Sanem all over the world, but she refused. Can promised her a trip around the world, and she only wanted him to take her.

Sanem slowly got her life together, but she never forgot Can or her love for him. She stilled prayed daily for his return. She spent her time surrounded by her friends, Bulut, Deniz, Muzzo, Cey Cey and Mihriban. She avoided visiting her parents in the Mohalle because she saw Can everywhere. She continued on with her life, even though a part of her was dead. She was empty inside. She did travel around the area to promote her book. But she refused to travel abroad with Yigit. Yigit constantly asked for a second book, but she had not word left in her. Her book was based on her love for Can. She had nothing left in her. Then Can returned. Secretly, Sanem was thrilled and relieved. But a part of her could not forget the pain he put her through. She fought her feelings for him to protect her heart. But Can eventually was able to break through.

And now they were married with triplets. Sanem never thought this day would come. She was happy, complete and so in love with Can.

Can rubbed her head and asked where her beautiful mind was. Sanem told him she was just thinking of their past. She had never told Can about her hospital stay and she never would. She never wanted him to know how his leaving affected her. She knew he would blame himself. Can told her what happened in their past is what brought them to where they are today. Sanem smiled and said yes. One of the triplets started crying, so Can said he would go get the baby. He brought Deniz out to Sanem, once he changed her diaper. He got Sanem a bottle and brought it to Sanem. He sat beside Sanem while she fed their daughter. Can reached over and rubbed Deniz's head. She was so soft and so tiny. Deniz's appetite was improving and Can thought she was going to have an appetite like her momma.

Another baby woke up and Can went to get that one. It was their son this time. Can changed him, stopped in the kitchen for a bottle and sat back down beside Sanem. He began feeding his son. Deniz was done eating by this time, so Sanem slowly rose to put Deniz back in her crib. While in the nursery, Their other daughter began crying. Sanem changed her and grabbed a bottle in the kitchen. She sat back down beside Can and started feeding her daughter. When their son was done eating, he fell back to sleep. So, Can took him back to the nursery. Can came back and sat down beside Sanem while she continued to feed their other daughter. Can laughed and told Sanem this felt like an assembly line. Sanem agreed and laughed with him.

Mevkibe and Mihriban were in the kitchen making dinner for Can and Sanem. Sanem was so happy they were there to help. Can took a leave from the agency, but he still worked from home when he was needed. He enjoyed being home with his wife and kids. He didn't want to miss anything when it came to his children. Sanem told Can she was going to go take a nap. Can smiled and said he would join her. He told her he couldn't pass up the opportunity of holding his wife in his arms. Sanem smiled at his sweet words. They went to the bedroom and laid down. Can pulled his wife into his arms. Sanem felt so safe and secure that she fell right to sleep. Can laid there for a while, just holding his wife. He thought back over their past together. The many obstacles they overcame. The year he left Sanem because he thought she had given up on him. Her hospital stay. Sanem never talked to him about her hospital stay and he wasn't sure he even wanted to know what she went through while she was there. Emre told him a little. He told him about the time he had to wrap his arms and legs around her to stop her from harming herself. That tore his heart out when Emre told him that. He would have come back if he had known. But he had turned his telephone off to avoid everyone and everything. He will live with the guilt of that for the rest of his life. But he would continue trying to make it up to Sanem. She no longer required the medication which Can was grateful for. She told Can once he had cured her. But what she didn't realize was her love cured him too. She was the reason he got his memories back. He fell in love with her again even with no memories from their past. They were each other's medication. He vowed to spend the rest of his life loving and cherishing this angel in his arms. He eventually fell asleep with her still wrapped in his arms.