LOOSING HOPE

CAN TIME HEAL A BROKEN HEART

Can went to the kitchen to make them something to eat. Sanem remained seated on the bed. Once the meal was ready, Can went to get her. He found her still sitting on the bed in the same position. Can told her the meal was ready, but she wouldn't even look at him. Can bent over and picked her up. He carried her to the kitchen and placed her in a chair. Can sat down and started eating. Sanem remained seated and would not even pick up her fork. Can moved beside her and picked up her fork. He put food on the fork and brought it to her mouth. Sanem did open her mouth and took a bite. Can continued this ritual until the food was gone. He placed her tea in front of her. He took her hand and placed it around the glass. Sanem lifted the glass to her mouth and evidently drank it all.

After Can cleaned up the kitchen, he asked Sanem if she wanted to walk the beach and maybe build a sandcastle. She refused to respond. He told her he was going to the beach and she was welcome to join him. Can left the beach house and proceeded to the beach. He sat down on the sand and began building a sandcastle. Unknown to him, Sanem was watching him through the window. After about an hour, Can felt her approaching, but did not turn around. Sanem sat down beside Can and began helping him build the sandcastle. Can looked at her and smiled. Sanem looked back at him and gave him a little smile. They worked together in silence. Once the sandcastle was built, they both stood back and admired their work. Can told her it turned out very nicely. Sanem actually spoke and said it looks like the one in my dreams.

Can asked her if she would like to take a walk down the beach and maybe collect some shells. Sanem told him OK. They walked side by side down the beach. Can reached over and grabbed her hand. Sanem didn't refuse. They held hands while walking. Sanem was able to collect a few seashells along the way. When they walked back to the beach house, Can asked her what she wanted to do. Sanem just shrugged her shoulders. Can asked her if she wanted to sit on the deck and look at the stars. Sanem nodded her head yes. They sat on the patio chairs on the deck and just stared at the sky. Sanem finally spoke and told Can it was very beautiful here. Can agreed. She told him the sky was so lit up with stars, it was breathtaking. Can also agreed. Unknown to Sanem, Can was looking at her the whole time and not the sky.

Can asked Sanem if they could talk. Sanem looked at him and asked what difference would talking do. You don't know me. I don't exist to you. Your heart has erased any feelings you ever had for me. She said talking wasn't going to bring anything back and it sure wasn't going to change the situation. Can stared at her. He told her he would like to talk and asked if she would listen. Sanem looked at him and nodded her head yes. He told her again how sorry he was that things have turned out this way. He didn't plan the accident. He didn't plan to lose 2 years of his life. He didn't plan to forget her. But all of this did happen and he can't change any of it. He looked at Sanem. He told Sanem he was developing feelings for her. He was basically falling in love with her again and he told her so. Can told her that he was still Can, that hadn't changed. His looks were the same. His mannerism was still the same. He walked the same way. He looked Sanem straight into her eyes and asked her if she would give him a chance to love her again. Sanem looked at him with tears in her eyes. She told him she didn't know if she could do this all over again. She admitted to Can she was still unsure if he actually loved her before. Can asked her what she meant by that. Sanem responded by saying, if I was truly in your heart and soul, how could I have been erased so easily. It was only your head that got damaged. Can had no answer for that.

After a while, they both went inside. Sanem asked where they were sleeping, since there was only one bedroom in the house. Can told her they would sleep next to each other on the bed. Sanem said she didn't feel comfortable with that. Can reminded her they slept side by side earlier. Sanem told him she wasn't in her right mind then. Can told her he would sleep on the couch if it bothered her that much. So, Sanem went to bed in the bedroom and Can went to the couch. He was to big for the couch and it was so uncomfortable. He evidently went outside and laid on the deck. Sanem got up a short time later and found him laying on deck looking up at the sky. She asked him what he was doing. He told her trying to sleep. He told her the couch was not big enough for him. Sanem sat down in a patio chair. Can said he wanted to ask her a question. He told her he read in her book about 3 children. Did they have any children and if so, where were they? Sanem was quiet for a moment and then she said no, we have no children. It was a dream I kept dreaming over and over. She said by the way things are going, it would always just be a dream. Can looked at her. He asked Sanem if they had ever slept together. Sanem smiled and said yes, a few times. She saw the look on Can's face and immediately said, not like that. We slept side by side and you always ended up holding me through the night. Can then asked, so we have never had sex? Sanem turned red from embarrassment and answered quietly, no. Can asked why not. Sanem looked at her feet and told him she didn't know. She told him he never tried to go beyond kissing her. Can thought she looked adorable with her face all red with embarrassment. Then it hit Can, she was an innocent. She had never been with a man before. He reached over and took her hand, and she never pulled away. He told her they didn't have to talk about this if she was uncomfortable. She looked at him and said it was fine. She told him she always thought he wasn't attracted to her in that way; being a virgin and all. Can immediately sat up and told her if a man was not attracted to her because of that reason, then they were not only blind but stupid. Sanem slowly smiled and said thank you. Can told her any man would be proud to be her first. She looked down at her feet once more.

She told Can she thought he was waiting for after the wedding or at least she hoped. She didn't really know, because they never talked about it. Sanem told him she had always wanted to marry the love of her life and have 3 kids with him. It was all she ever thought of. She said I guess dreams sometimes break. Can was still holding her hand. He looked her in the eyes and asked her for a chance to get to know her again. A chance to see where this would go. A chance to see if her dreams could really come true. Sanem had tears in her eyes. She told him she didn't know how to start over with him. She felt like she was 100 steps ahead of him in this relationship. Can asked her if she would at least think about it. He wasn't ready to give up on them, even though he couldn't remember her. Sanem looked into his eyes and told him she would think about it. She then told him, come on. You can't sleep out here and you don't fit on the couch. She told him they could share the bed. She helped Can up and headed off to bed.