LOOSING HOPE

MISUNDERSTANDING

Sanem awoke the next morning to a killer headache. She remembered the avalanche and being trapped in the cave with Can. She turned her head and saw Can sleeping next to her. His forehead against the side of her head. She felt his breath on the side of her face. He had one arm draped over her. She tried to get up, but she just couldn't lift her head. It hurt that bad. She groaned out loud. Can immediately woke up. He asked her if she was OK? She told him it hurt to lift her head and she needed to go to the bathroom. Can went to get her some pain meds and a glass of water. She took the pain meds and Can helped her to the bathroom. When she was done, he carried her back to the bed. He laid her down and then climbed in with her. He started rubbing her head. He told Sanem he needed to talk to her. Sanem said OK and turned her head to look at him. He told her how sorry he was that this happened. He was her husband and he was supposed to protect her, and he failed. Sanem started to interrupt and Can told her to let him finish. He said he should have never taken her into that cave. He knew the risks, even if she didn't. He told her he loved her so much and never wanted to lose her. He said he could have lost her today and that scared the hell out of him. He told her he was nothing without her. Sanem reached over and touched the side of his face. Sanem told him to stop this right now. It was an accident, nothing more. You saved me, she said. If you hadn't been with me, I would still be in that cave. I would have died in that cave and nobody would have known. You are my husband and you protected me; saved me. You could have also died in that cave. My life would mean nothing to me if you were not in it. Do you understand me? Can nodded yes. She pulled his head down and kissed him deeply. She then laid her head on his chest and fell back to sleep.

Even after she fell asleep, Can still rubbed her head. He had so many thoughts and fears running through his head. He wondered if one day he couldn't protect her, would he lose her? He has only ever looked after one person his whole life and that was himself. He had never been responsible for anybody else. This was new to him and it scared him to his very core. What would happen when they had children? He would have to protect them, as well. Could he do this? He fell back to sleep wondering this.

Sanem awoke a short time later and found herself alone in the bed. She hollered out for Can but got no answer. She slowly got out of bed and padded her way through the cabin. He was no where inside the cabin. She opened the front door and stepped out. He was sitting on the porch in the cold air. He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. Sanem sat down beside him and grabbed his hand. He then realized she was there and squeezed her hand. Sanem asked him what he was doing out here? Can smiled a small smile at her and told her he was thinking. Sanem asked him if he wanted to talk about it? He told her he could not get it out of his head that he failed her as a husband. He told her he didn't know how to be a good husband and if he was even what she deserved. She needed a husband who could keep her safe and secure; who could keep their future children safe and secure. He just didn't know if he was that man. Sanem looked at him in shock. It sounded to her like he was looking for a way out of their marriage. She stood up and walked back into the cabin. Can called out to her a few times, but she continued walking. She went to the bedroom and started packing her suitcase. She decided she wasn't going to force him to stay married to her. Can found her packing her suitcase. He asked her what she was doing. Sanem told him she wanted to go home. Can said OK, but you could have just told me. Sanem didn't say anything. Can packed his bag. He loaded up his truck and they were on their way back to Istanbul. Sanem said nothing the whole way back.

When they arrived back in Istanbul, Sanem asked him to drop her off at her parent's house. Can told her she didn't live with her parents anymore. She said I know, but I want dropped off there, please. Can told her OK. He asked her if she wanted him to pick her up later that day. Sanem told him no. Can pulled the truck over to the side of the road and turned to Sanem. He asked her what was wrong? Sanem told him nothing. Can made her look at him. He asked her again what was wrong? Sanem told him they should get an annulment. Can asked why? She told him marriage wasn't for him and it was better to get out it before they got to far in. He was quiet for a moment. He asked her if this was what she wanted? She told him it was what he wanted. She heard him loud and clear. Can told her he never said he didn't want to be married to her. Sanem told him to please take her to her parent's house. Can pulled back on the road.

Can dropped her at her parent's house and Sanem got her suitcase out of the back. She then walked away from the truck and him. Can just sat there confused. Sanem entered the house and her parents asked her what she was doing there. Sanem told them she was tired and just wanted to lay down in her old room. They told her OK and they would talk when she was rested. Sanem went to her room and cried herself to sleep. She awoke to a knock on her door. Leyla came in. As soon as Sanem saw her big sister, she broke down in tears. Leyla held her until she calmed down. Leyla asked her what happened? Sanem told her everything from the avalanche to what Can told her on the porch of the cabin. She told Leyla he doesn't want to be married anymore. She asked Leyla what she going to do without him. He was the blood in her veins, the air in her lungs and her reason for being alive. Leyla just held her little sister. Leyla felt Sanem misunderstood what Can had said, but she never told Sanem that.

Can kept trying to call Sanem but she would not answer her telephone or text messages. She was his wife. She was supposed to be with him. He didn't want an annulment. He wanted his wife. He thought back over their conversation on the porch of the cabin. He realized he said some things that could have been misunderstood. He kept trying to call her but could not get through. He ended up calling Leyla. Leyla told him of the conversation she had with Sanem. She told him Sanem wasn't coming back to the farm. She was staying with their parents. Can hung up and said out loud, over my dead body. He jumped in his truck and headed to Sanem's parent's house.

When he arrived at the Aydin's house, they told him Sanem went for a walk. He knew exactly where she was. He headed for the rocks. He found her sitting on the rocks looking out to the sea. He sat down beside her. He told her hi. She said hey. He asked her what she was doing? She told him she was thinking. Can asked her if she wanted to talk about it. She told him not really. He asked her how her head was. She told him it was OK. Can asked her if she was ready to return home with him. Sanem looked at him and said she has decided she will not be returning to the farm. Can said really. Sanem said yes. Can smiled and said they would need a bigger bed at her parent's house. Sanem said why? Can said if you stay, I stay. If you leave, I leave. He told her they were married and were staying that way. Sanem looked at him and told he didn't want to be married anymore. He asked her when he said such a thing? She said on the porch at the cabin. Can told her those words never left his mouth. Sanem repeated to him what he had said to her. Can told her he was venting his frustrations because he felt like he failed her as a husband, when she was injured. Not once did he tell her he didn't want her as his wife. He took her hand and told her she was everything. He told her again he was nothing without her. He bent his head and kissed her sweetly. I love you, Sanem. That will never change as long as I have breath in me. My soul is connected to yours forever. Would you please come back home with me? I need you. Sanem was crying by this time and just nodded her head yes. Can told her one more thing. We are married and staying that way until the end of our days. Got it? She smiled and again nodded her head. They headed back to her parent's house, hand in hand, to get her suitcase.