Bi-stressed

CHAPTER 34

Who knew my new year would start with tears instead of sweetness...

Tears roll down my cheeks as I sit on the balcony, watching families going out together, celebrating the new year.

"Why are you crying?" Zac notices me as I try hiding and wiping away my tears.

"I'm not." I force a smile.

"Tell me, please."

"I wish my dad was living and my mom didn't marry again so even we could celebrate the new year as a family." I burst out.

"You're dad is always with you, right now as well. You that don't you?"

"Yeah but-" I sob.

He pulls me closer to his chest and kisses me on the forehead.

"Stop crying please. I've heard that if you lend or borrow money on the first day of the year, throughout the year you'll be doing it. In the same way if you cry on the first day of the year, then throughout the year you'll be crying. So please stop."

"I can't help it. I just miss my family so much. I want to be united with them as a family again. God, I want my family back!" I cry.

"Aren't we your family?" Aunt Steph and Halsey ask.

"You'll are but I want my dad and mom and us back together..." I sob.

"Come here." Aunt Steph calls me in her arms wide open.

"We love you and you do have us as a family, always remember." Aunty Steph says hugging me tight.

"Aunty can I take her for dinner with my family?" Zac asks.

"Yeah sure. It'll divert her mind."

...

Christmas and new year has come to an end. Now back to the daily school routine. Less of Zac visiting me, studies and board examinations on the head and facing Luna each day in school... Oof shit begins again.
Ah, I forgot we'll be welcoming a new member in the family. Can't wait for Halsey's baby to be born. I'm sure he/she will bring a lot of happiness in our lives...

My alarm buzzes at 6:30 and I snooze it. After about 15 minutes I hear my mom yelling at me to wake up. I have my breakfast and get ready for school.

"Have a good day at school sweetheart." My mom says giving me a hug.

"Love you, bye."

My anxiety builds up as I reach closer to school. I wish I didn't have to face Luna. Like always I'm the first one out there and slowly everyone starts arriving. Again no one involves me in any of the conversations and I start to feel uncomfortable and alone. It's just Kim that talks to me here and doesn't make me feel out of place but I'm alone again when she starts a conversation with Ken and Luna and so I try making a conversation with Melissa.  What's the use of hanging out with a group in which no one talks to me? I feel so awkward and so uncomfortable with them now. I've never felt this way with them before until Luna and I have stopped speaking to each other. I feel so lost in school that I don't want to ever attend school.
Time elapses and it's recess time. I choose to have lunch with Lyra and Celine instead of with the group. At least I won't feel odd with them and they are good company anyways.
The rest of the day elapses pretty fast.

*"I'll be with Lyra during break."* I message Kim in the night.

*"Why?"*

*"You tell me what's the use of hanging out with a group in which no one talks to me?"*

*"We all talk Lexi, you be sitting there quiet."*

*"What am I supposed to do then?"*

*"Also, you ran behind Luna and she didn't have your back and now you're with your new friends"*

*"I guess I don't need anyone to have my back now."*

*"That's good, I hope they treat you well."*

I really didn't mean to be rude to her. She has always been there for me and I love her. It's not that I'm finishing our friendship, I'll still talk to her. I just couldn't hang out with the group and so I told her. What wrong did I do?
If she thinks I've replaced her then she's wrong.

A week passes by and we hardly talk. We're getting distant, I knew we would.  The next day her mom calls me up saying she's not well and I message her asking how she was feeling but she replies with "I'm fine." I got it that she's hurt and I feel like cussing at Luna for being responsible for all of this. If she didn't have feelings for me, there wouldn't be any awkwardness between us and everything would just like it was. We would all be together and happy. I can't really blame Luna for feeling this way for me maybe I led her onto having feelings for me. I wish it was never like that. I wish we never kissed.