Bi-stressed

CHAPTER 75

"You okay?" He asks, as he digs in the pockets of his shorts, for the keys I'm guessing.

"No Hardin, I'm not okay but I have to be. I will get better eventually, I've survived through enough. I'll live with this fact too. I promised not to take my own life ever again."

Shit. I realize what I just said and look at Hardin's terrified expression.

"What!?" His eyes go wide and he runs his fingers through his hair, tugging at the ends of his curls, as in to process what I just said. "I- Lexi,"

"I don't expect you to-" I begin but he cuts me off by pulling me towards himself and smashing me against his chest. He cups my head and gives my forehead a gentle kiss. He hugs me so tight, so tight that I can feel the rapidness in his breathing and the increase of his heart beat, in that case, my heart beat as well because right now I have no idea what he is doing to me, to my heart. I feel our hearts race, as I stay in his embrace, not wanting to break away ever because this is what I've always longed for. And even though this affectionate gesture is supposed to be wrong, it feels so right. It's more than just true compassion. The way he embraces me speaks volume and I find myself thinking, what on earth changed that cruel Hardin who cared about no one else but himself.

I suddenly start repeating Elaine's name in my mind and force myself to pull away because if I don't right now, I'll end up falling in love all over again.

Is it even possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time?

"What made you take your own life?" He finally speaks, looking straight into my eyes. He pauses, then focussing on every part of my face, he cups my cheeks, continuing, "You're worth everything, Lex."

I swear my heart just skipped a beat. No one has ever said "Lex" the way he just did. Infact no one ever called me "Lex,"  He's gonna make me catch feelings again. Wait, who am I kidding? Because my feelings for him never went away. They were always there, burried under the sand, waiting to be dug up again. And so, after today, after right now, they will be bothering me and I already hate feeling.

His face is just a few inches away and I can literally see tears forming in his eyes. It's now that I know I'm crying too because his thumb reaches across my face and wipes away the tears.

"Come on, let's just go in." He says and grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers.

What is he doing?

"I wish you were this considerate before." I say in a low voice as I follow him into his house, wishing I would have waited for him.

The house is beautiful. The hallway  has frames of artwork hanging and there's a gleam of lanterns in the dark which hits the glossy walls making it look elegant.

"I wish too." He mutters under his breath, which is quite audibile to me. He takes a turn to his right, me following him with our fingers still intertwined.
It's a TV lounge. The walls are a pastel brown and the sofas are a beige colour. In contrast, the sofa cushions, bean bags and table are a dark shade of brown. The wall on which the TV is placed is wooden textured and beneath the TV is an artificial fireplace, besides it there are a stack of books kept in the cubbyholes and a guitar wall niches for the music lover who of course his Hardin.

"Realization hit me and since then I've changed a lot." He says, dropping my hand down and gestures for me to sit on the sofa.

"Do you regret?" I ask him unexpectedly, as I settle my bag on the table.

"Yeah well I do, wait what?" He halts.

"Nothing." I try to escape my own question.

"Lex, to be real honest, I do regret. I regret the way I treated you. I know you're astounded by my actions towards you now. I had always be- always been rude and disrespectful. I was just like him." He takes a seat on the sofa, right next to me.

"Like who?" I ask, curious to know.

"Hardin Scott. It was until I lost my Tessa forever. Yet I'm striving to be gentlemanly in hopes for her. It was my behavior that caused her to leave and fall for someone else. I was such a dick back then, to her especially. "

"Well, I agree. You were a dick to me,"   "too." I add.

"Wait, don't you already have your Tessa?" I ask, bewildered.

He pauses and thinks. He's acting really weird.

"Isn't Elaine your Tessa?           
Hardin?" I call out to him when he doesn't answer.

He runs his fingers through his curls and sighing, he begins. "I'm sorry for keeping this from you but I can't lie to you any longer. Elaine is just a distraction. I know she means a lot to you but she offered to help herself. Please don't think I'm using her. I haven't done anything with her."

"Oh,  but I walked in on you'll desperately making out. She was straddling your lap and you were gripping her hips as she moved in slow circular motions. Which clearly showed how in love you'll both are with each other." I say sarcastically. I hate to hear the jealousy in my voice. His face pales and he looks worried, more like sad to hear me out. It's as if, me seeing that, sort of hurt him.

"As I just said, I needed a distraction and Elaine was willing to help but you know what she failed at it. I was thinking of y- her the whole time she blew me."

"She blew you?" I question without thinking, sounding betrayed. This hurts. This bit of information hurts and I have no idea why.

"Fuck." He smacks his forehead and bites his lips in frustration. "Fuck, fuck fuck." He closes his eyes and I notice his fists clench. Seems like he wasn't supposed to let me know. But why am I mad at him. It's his life and he can do whatever the hell he wants.

Feelings.

"I didn't feel anything, Lex. I didn't even turn hard. Trust me."
He tries to justify, his eyes almost teary.

Why the heck is he telling me this?

"I don't need clarification Hardin. Who am I to you,"

"Shit, I'm sorry." He cuts me off. "I'll be right back." He walks out and returns with a glass of water.

"Do you want a snack?" He asks and I shake my head.

"You haven't eaten since-"

"I don't want anything Hardin. I want to sleep." I cut him off, responding brusquely.

"Lex, you haven't yet spoken to me. There's so much talking to do. You have to let it all out or else,"

"I've changed my mind on sharing it with you. Can I sleep now?" I say in an even harsher tone.

I don't know why but it is undeniable that the fact that Elaine gave him a blow job pisses the fuck out of me, when on the other hand I've experienced intimate moments with Zac.

I shouldn't have reacted that way but I couldn't help the pang of jealousy arising.

"You should get some sleep too." I tell him and lay myself on the sofa, placing a cushion under my head and close my eyes.

"You can, umm  sleep  on my   bed, if you want?" He asks, hesitant clear in his voice.

"Thanks. I'm good. Also, I appreciate you for letting me stay. I'll leave as soon as it gets brighter."