Kiri(Baku?)Kami I probably won't finish

Chapter Thirty-Two

When 'Suki had finally calmed down, we were both about ready to collapse from exhaustion. It was hard staying, well, hard for so long. As for him, he'd just worn himself out. Crunch.

We both turned to look at the noise, only to see Denki sitting cross-legged on the bed with a bowl of... "When the fuck did you get popcorn, Sparky?"

"I have my ways. Anyway, you done yet?"

"Just about, yeah," 'Suki said, shaking out his hands. His knuckles were even bleeding, he'd been hitting me so hard. I was lucky I couldn't feel anything.

He paced across the floor, twiddling his thumbs. "I sort of wanna leave. I mean, I hate being stuck in one small room for so long. But like... ah fuck, I hate admitting that I'm scared of that asshole," he grumbled, kicking some random piece of clothing across the room.

"I get it, man," I sighed. "I mean, you'll have to leave at some point. We don't have any bathroom in here, and it's a bit hot and stuffy, especially after working yourself out like that."

"I know, and it pisses me off." He plopped down on the floor, laying back. "The whole situation makes me feel so... pathetic."

I knew what he meant. I wasn't in his place, so I couldn't begin to imagine what was going through his mind. But I understood why he would feel so bad about himself. Moreover, I understood him as a person. Me trying to comfort him with words might honestly be taken as trying to call him weak. So I just sat down next to him and offered a hand.

He glared at me for a second before begrudgingly taking it in his own. Denki joined us on the floor.

"So, Blasty, you never did tell us," he started. "How, er, comfortable are you with the fact that both of us like you as more than a friend?"

"I mean... I never thought about you that way, if I'm being perfectly honest. You guys are my best friends. I'm not gonna waltz up and just say I'm in love with you 'cuz you're saving me from my psycho boyfriend like a damsel in distress," 'Suki admitted. "But on the flip side, I don't wanna let go of your hand anytime soon," he added, looking up at me. So last night when he said 'I love you' back was a fluke. Guess he was tired, or didn't wanna hurt you. I nodded back, rubbing the back of his hand with my thumb. "I'm not saying this shit to hurt you, just so you know. I'm not even saying it's never gonna happen. I just wanna get out of this whole mess before I even think about dating someone again."

"I totally get it," Denki said. "Just so you know, though, if you ever decide that it's a yes (not to pressure you), we'd do it right. I mean right right. None of the bullshit Deku ever made you do."

"Thanks," 'Suki smiled. I mean, he genuinely smiled. I swear the room was about to catch fire, it was so bright. It melted away after a second, though. "Y'know, it really sucks that Deku ended up like this. It made me so... so incredibly happy when that dork confessed to me. I just wish it was really him talking, and not whatever gremlin's probably lurking around your door. I really miss him."

"So the way he used to act, all anxious and stuff, that was the real him?" I asked, and 'Suki nodded.

"He's been that way since I met him, and that's a long time. Whether it's been a mask or not recently, that's what he was really like. It's just... to have that constant ripped away so quickly... It really hurts that he's gone. The real Deku might as well be dead now." He took a deep breath, squeezing my hand. "I wonder when it was, that he died." I didn't know how to respond to that, so I sat and continued to listen quietly. "I know you're going to tell me it's not my fault, but maybe... I must've pushed him over the edge, somehow. You weren't there the whole time, I really was terrible. Maybe if he just gets all his anger out on me everyone else will be fine and safe from him. I'm sure I deserve more of it than you'll ever let me believe."

"Don't do that to yourself, Blasty," Denki started, but 'Suki just shook his head, letting out a bittersweet laugh.

"Let's be honest, though, if I were half of a decent person, Deku wouldn't be like this. I'm not making him do anything now, believe me when I say I'd do literally anything in my power to stop him from hurting anyone besides me. But in a twisted, depressing way... he's right. It's my fault," he sighed. "I'm not gonna go back to him, if I can avoid it. I'm done 'dating' him or whatever he wants to call it. But someone needs to know, someone besides us three."

I nodded. Against his reasoning, There's wasn't really any way to prove that whatever Deku wanted to do to the school wasn't 'Suki's fault. Still, I wasn't about to say it out loud. "Aizawa-sensei would be the easiest one to reach, he drops by sometimes anyway to check on Shinso," I said.

"Okay, let's see if he's downstairs. We'll have to find him quickly, I don't know when Deku's planning to do whatever it is he and Shigaraki are up to."

"He didn't give you any hints?" Denki tilted his head.

All that 'Suki replied with was one word. "Soon."