Force Destiny

New Normal

Kylo vibrated with energy, and nothing he did was enough to release it. He had trained until he couldn't lift his lightsaber, scoured the scrolls – the surprisingly Sith scrolls – that had been with Snoke's effects, had created tactical strategies to address several disobedient systems, had run the length of the Finalizer nine times, but he couldn't tire himself enough to sleep.

His skin crawled, his heart pounded, his mind wandered, his entire body was restless from the moment he laid down until he resigned himself to the fact that his time was better utilized on something productive. That, paired with the relentless nightmares of late, left him perpetually struggling to rest for more than an hour or two a night. He discovered he had more success if he forced himself into wakefulness for twenty-four to seventy-two hours before attempting to sleep. It had been more than ninety-six hours in this stretch, and there was no end in sight.

That was how he found himself in an officers' empty break room at three-thirty Galactic Standard Time, overlooking the manufacturing floor as he paced erratically with a plate of food in his hands. He couldn't remember the last time he had eaten; he did remember he had refused dinner from the service droids for the last few nights. Drawing energy from the Force to maintain his strength left him with little appetite. As did ... recent events.

The food he did eat tasted like nothing. It made him nauseous every time he tried to find the will to swallow. Forcing food down his throat seemed like a spectacular waste of time –something he had endless amounts of in his current state – so he finished a flavorless Jogan fruit, then abandoned the plate with the other uneaten fruit on a nearby table. He resumed his pacing to channel the energy sparking through him like lightning.

Everything felt as hollow as his stomach. Life around him was colorless and dull, meaningless. He couldn't find it in himself to care about anything. He had become accustomed to this emptiness the better part of a decade he had spent under Snoke's guidance, but without the fear and purpose, he just.... existed. He did revel in the quiet of the night cycle, though.

Where he had once suffered in isolation, he was now overwhelmed with subordinates invariably pestering him about every last decision. There was always a report to read or meeting to attend. There was still the pervasive ache of loneliness that pulsed just behind his ribs, but now he felt it in the constant presence of others. Being Supreme Leader was not quite what he had imagined; he would do it, however, because the galaxy required order. This was what his grandfather had wanted to achieve, and he had done it. Just as he knew his fate was intertwined with hers, he knew this was his destiny.

That fleeting thought was all it took to span the bridge of their minds. Somewhere across the galaxy, Luke's new protégé was lying in her bunk, peaceful in slumber, still fully clothed as if she hadn't planned on succumbing to sleep. Her arms were covered with wraps again. Kylo knew it was to hide the scar underneath. She was ashamed of it, ashamed of her connection to him.

The feeling was mutual; he hated seeing her as well. Everything about her was a reminder of how foolish he had been to believe he could have impossible things. He hated himself for not hating her as completely as he wanted. As conflicted as he was about her, however, he would still do what he needed to do. Not here, not like this, but he would kill her.

Her arms were wrapped around herself as she shivered, likely in response to hyperspace. The Falcon wasn't as fortified against the freezing temperatures of space as a Star Destroyer. Though he knew she had plenty of people to keep her warm – like Poe Dameron – it bothered him more than he liked to admit that she didn't even have a blanket. His mind replayed her bleak and harrowing memories – shivering in her make-shift bed in the AT-AT, starving and lonely. An unanticipated rage pricked under his skin, directed toward his mother.