Force Destiny

Knowledge

Rey sat at the base of an ancient, damaged tree, one of Luke's Jedi texts opened in her lap. She had been excited with her newfound skill, gained through her not-so-intolerable bond partner. But the more she read, the more she feared that the Jedi dogma was not for her. It was as disappointing as Luke had been as a teacher. Somehow, she couldn't reconcile the difference between the reality she experienced and the fantastical legends she had heard. How had that cynical old man been the Master Jedi that she had believed in? How could an Order immersed in the light side of the Force be so rigid and radical about their beliefs?

She sighed in frustration.

Her eyes closed as she lost herself in the warmth of the sun on her face. She imagined she was back on Jakku, the sun much harsher, but a comforting presence all the same. There would be no friends to disappoint, no war that hinged its hope on her "gift," no enemy to share a confusing connection with. They would all still be out there, of course, but she wouldn't be a part of it. She would be alone, but had that ever truly changed?

Her eyes flickered open at the sound of faraway screech, breaking her reverie, and part of her expected to see an endless expanse of sand. A dry ache tightened in her throat as her eyes settled on an endless expanse of trees instead. She was still on Barkhesh, a disappointment to everyone, and confused as ever. She shut her eyes again.

She should have lied to Finn and Rose, found any reasonable excuse to lure them from the rainforest and those creatures. It was a mistake to show them its body. They hadn't bothered to challenge what she had been doing in the forest, observing them. But they did ask how she had killed the beast, alone, without a weapon. It was a question she was not prepared to answer. She had lied confidently enough, but she noticed the shadow pass over Finn's face and the distrust in his eyes. He knew a large stick had not created that hole through the panther. Had Finn recognized the burn patterns? Or was it the lack of blood around the wound that gave it away?

Finn had immediately distanced himself from her. Even as she had embraced them and expressed her happiness for their commitment to each other –which was true, despite her own selfish longing– his eyes stared through her. His thoughts were somewhere else. She had been all too aware of what he was contemplating. He had his suspicions; he knew she had not been in the forest alone. And she knew they had reached an impasse when he had asked Rose to meet him back at the temple. Their conversation replayed over and over in her mind.

"I need to talk to you," he had told her. The kindness, the brightness in his eyes was missing. She had been terrified, convinced that he would force her to tell him about Kylo. Maybe she should have. "Listen, Rey, I know I promised you that I wouldn't tell anyone about your bond, because you needed time. But Poe came to me. He has no proof yet, but he knows. He thought he heard a man's voice in your room. I didn't tell him, but it's only a matter of time before he figures out what's happening. You've changed, Rey, and I don't know what to believe anymore. I think you're losing control over whatever this is. You need to end this. Now. You have three days to kill him. If you don't, I'll be forced to tell Poe everything I know. I can't lie for you. This puts the entire Resistance... everyone I care about – including you – at risk. If you think you can't do it, say the word, and I will do it for you." He wrapped her tightly in an embrace, assuring her that she always had his support. But he hadn't waited for a response. He cared for her, but he had given her an ultimatum.

And he was right. She had lost control, she knew that. Kylo had been in the clearing, spying on her, and she had been clueless. He had seen what she had done, had heard every word that she had said. He had rendered himself defenseless and fought beside her to save her life. His light had helped heal them. When she asked him why he saved her, his words flipped the axis of her entire world.