Force Destiny

Jedi Knight Training

The memory faded into a new one.

Han and Leia stood before him as he begged with an unsteady pitch to his voice.

"Please...don't make me stay. Let's go home. I'll be better, I promise. I'll control it, I'll do anything. I don't want to be a Jedi. If you love me, please, let me come home," his voice cracked. "Please... don't leave me." Rey could feel the agony tearing him apart. His mother embraced him.

"Ben, it's only goodbye for a little while. We'll come back for you, I promise," Leia whispered.

Those words... my dream. Could that dream have been about Ben the whole time? Was it his memory I was reliving, not my own?

"Then why does this feel like goodbye forever?" Rey's heart ached with his as he felt from the depths of his soul that they would never come back for him.

"We love you, Ben," she cried, "Don't you ever forget that."

"Mom, wait!" he shouted after her, but she shook her head between soft sobs, as she turned back toward the ship. Ben turned toward his father, twisting his hand into the material of his father's shirt to force him to stay.

"Please... don't do this," Ben begged him. "I need... I need your help. There's so much darkness inside me, I don't know how to stop it. If you leave me here, I'm so scared that I won't be strong enough to fight it alone."

"Look – I'm not great with this 'advice' thing, kid," Han said distantly. "Or saying goodbye. But, it's too late for all that, son, it's time to grow up. You've got to stop blaming everyone else for your problems. You have darkness in you that we don't understand, you're scaring your mother. We're as lost in this as you are, and we can't give you the help you need. Your uncle is the only one left who can do that. This is the only way to fix you." He reached for his son as if he would embrace him, grasp him on the shoulder, touch his cheek... but he stopped himself, dropping an object into the boy's hand instead. Ben knew what it was, but he looked down at the pair of golden dice resting in his palm. "For luck," he whispered, refusing to meet his son's desperate, beseeching eyes, before turning back toward the Millennium Falcon.

"We're not done yet!!" Ben cried. "Turn around! At least look me in the eyes when you admit that all I've ever been to you is a burden. You don't want me! You are abandoning me with someone I barely know!" Han hesitated, his head dropping as he rubbed his hand over his face. "Look at me!"

"No, son," his father said quietly, standing with his back to Ben. "I won't do that."

"What do you think you'll see if you do! My mother?"

"No."

Ben's voice trembled as he forced himself to give life to his next words. "A monster?"

"I don't know anymore," Han sighed, trudging back to the ship after his wife.

"Don't make me watch you leave again in that piece of junk. You care more about that ship than you do me!" His father did not respond, which only agitated Ben more. He squeezed the pair of golden dice in his fist, shaking in anger, before throwing them at his father. They landed in the dirt at the man's feet. "If you leave, you're dead to me!" Ben screamed. Han picked them up, paused for a moment, then continued walking to the ship. The whispers returned.

I told you they would leave...They do not recognize your potential... They fear your raw, untamed power... They call you a monster...But that is what makes you unique... You are truly special... If they cared, they would recognize that...But they reject you...They don't love you... They all hate you... They lie to your face...You do everything for them... yet they throw you away like garbage... But you're no fool...You see it... They have abandoned you... They will all betray you... And one day they will kill you because they fear your power...You belong on the dark side... The darkness realizes your true potential... I realize your true potential... Reject the Jedi... Train with me... Call me master... Rey's blood ran cold as Ben hesitated, considering the words. Before, he had done everything he could to force the voice out. He didn't obey, but he considered it.