Force Destiny

Too Late

Kylo had intended to spend the entire day in the training room working himself into exhaustion. He hadn't expected to feel Rey's pain through the Force, or break the promise to himself that he would shut her out no matter the circumstances. His weak resolve with her did not last a day before he was interrupting his training to bring her his cloak. He hadn't intended to stay and listen to her beg, or witness the sorrow in her eyes, but every moment he spent with her he was inexorably drawn to her. It had taken everything in him to walk away.

He returned to his training without the strength or desire to even lift his lightsaber. And all Kylo wanted was to forget the events of the prior twenty-four hours. It was an avalanche of consequences that had all been triggered by the appearance of a First Order recon ship on Barkhesh.

Kylo knew he should have been monitoring the outer rim situation more closely, or at least been up front with her about the possibility of search and probe missions. He understood her original fear; what was she supposed to think when a First Order ship landed at the base? But he had explained everything to her, and still she hadn't trusted him. He knew her better than that; didn't she know who he was?

Does she? the Force unhelpfully called him to wonder. Have you shown her who you are? Or just who you want her to see?

The thought only stoked the resentment tightening in his chest. Had he not proven to her that he would go to any length to keep her safe? She accused him of attempting to deceive her as he committed treason for her friends – anarchists he would find great satisfaction with removing from the galaxy. Then she offered herself to him as a sacrificial martyr for her friends' lives. How could she believe, after the throne room, that all he wanted was a prisoner or a slave? He didn't know what was worse; that after everything she had been through, she would offer herself to him like that, or that she believed he would ever consider that. He wanted her to join him, to stand with him at his side, not fall to her knees at his feet. How could she believe that he thought so little of her that he would consider her an asset to be bargained with? He told her in the throne room how much she meant to him. He showed her by killing his own master. How could she not see the sacrifices he had made for her? He would do anything for her...

Yet he was nothing to her. His use had only ever been to protect the Resistance – his enemies and terrorists of the galaxy – and yet he protected them for her. That was why she came to him on the Supremacy. Every moment they were connected was spent by her using him to save her friends, screaming at him, trying to kill him, or using him for her powers. Should he have been surprised? Everyone he had ever known only wanted him if he could be what they wanted. When he couldn't, they abandoned or tried to murder him. Why should she be any different? There were moments – brief moments – when he thought she was. He thought that she saw more than the monster, but that was all he was, wasn't it? What would she see in him? He was only as important as his use to her, and she... she meant more to him than she would ever know.

Why? Why can't I let her go?

He could have helped her if she had chosen him to teach her. She was drowning in her darkness, and he had seen it before in himself and the others to know where it led. What had Luke done? In his fear, or hatred for Kylo, he sensed her power and refused her training; she was forced to learn the practicalities of the Force from ancient books and necessary skills from... a monster. How could he leave her in a situation that necessitated the cooperation of her enemy for knowledge of the Force? How could he not foresee her struggle with the darkness? He failed Kylo and abandoned her to the same fate. Her darkness was unlike anything he had ever felt before. She would be lost to it without guidance... and he had shut her out. Who else was left to help her fight it? Poe Dameron? The traitor? Leia? Was there anyone powerful enough to help stop the prophecy from being realized?