Force Destiny

Reflections

"You just used me, because I'm nothing, right?"

Kylo managed to make it around the corner before he sensed the bond close behind him. The second he knew she was gone, he let his body slump against the wall. He was trembling, his breath uneven, his eyes filled with tears. "Not to me," he whispered.

By the grace of the Force, he had remained rigid and poised for his performance. Kylo had foolishly removed his mask, because he had yearned for her to see that he didn't care any more than she did. He wanted her to know that he was better off without her. Every word he had spoken, every twitch of emotion in her eyes, however, chiseled at his resolve, the act too taxing to continue in the storm of emotions crashing through him. It was all he could to do – escaping her – before he allowed her to see the truth.

Swallowing his misery, he clenched his fists in an attempt to maintain control until he reached the refuge of his quarters. There was no room for denial; her mere presence had brought forth the conflict again. After she finally spoke to him the night before, he realized that his resolve to kill her would be tested every time he heard her voice or looked into those expressive eyes. After hours of torment following their last connection, he decided that severing the bond was the only method he could employ to ensure his focus remained on his true and only purpose. He could only hope that his actions had indeed severed it, ending the emotional torture. It had always been his weakness – emotional pain. It would fade with time, he convinced himself, delving deep into the darkness, using the torment to acquire strength.

Kylo hastened through the dark corridors, hoping someone would look at him wrong. He yearned to unleash the emotions threatening to rupture through the last restraints of self-control. A droid crossed his path, and he sent it rocketing down a corridor. Stormtroopers altered course when they noticed him. "That's right, fear me!" he sneered through gritted teeth. His knees were shaking by the time he reached his quarters. It wasn't until the door slid shut behind him that the pretense fell away, exposing the truth. His legs couldn't support the weight of his burdens.

What have I done?

The betrayed look in her eyes brought him to his knees, but it was the agony that she felt...that he felt through her...that evoked the animalistic moan from deep inside his soul.

No! She betrayed me! She refused me! She only used me to save her friends. She left me for dead! How can she feel so betrayed over something she wanted! How can she believe everything she said? When I offered everything to her? I offered her the galaxy!

He tried to catch his breath, but his entire chest twisted in anguish. The emotional torment was overwhelming. He considered driving his fist through the mirror so he could find focus and relief in the physical pain, but his legs were too weak to stand. When they were in the throne room, he didn't care about the light, the dark, the Jedi, the Sith, Resistance, the First Order...he didn't care about himself... that woman had suddenly become his reason to breathe. With the death of Snoke, he finally had the power to become someone worthy, he finally had someone to share it with, but then she had betrayed him.

By leaving him alone on that floor, what had she expected him to do? Kylo had to take control, he had to fulfill the destiny bestowed upon him. After she did the one thing he could never forgive, all he wanted was to get down to the base on Crait to finish it. So he became the monster. He did what he had been born to do... destroy. He wanted her to hurt, as deeply as she had hurt him. She had seen him, truly seen him. She was supposed to be different than the others he had been foolish enough to care about before, but she wasn't. She had tried to kill him, as if everything that happened between them meant nothing. Perhaps – to her – it did.