Force Destiny

Leia's Revelation

When Finn had asked Rose if she needed help with cataloging the inventory collected from the old base, she immediately put him to work with the weaponry. He knew why, of course, though she wouldn't say it aloud. He'd had extensive training. Finn had spoken often of the academy, to remind her of what he was, but for some reason, it never seemed to bother her. The First Order had killed her family and he had been one of them when it happened, but she treated him like some hero.

And she'd said yes. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. It still didn't seem real. Nothing had changed between them; there was no awkwardness or detachment as he had feared. They hadn't told anyone, except Rey, of course. Rey had been happy for them, but there was something behind her offer of congratulations. Rose believed it was residual heartbreak from the fight with her boyfriend, but Finn knew better. Though she refused to be honest with him, he saw her reaction to the death of that bat, he knew her mind was on Kylo Ren. Her feelings were not those meant for an enemy, and it terrified him. He had given Rey an ultimatum: she had three days to kill Kylo...or he would. Once that creature was gone, then maybe he could have the old Rey back.

Then the three of them could be a family. Rey had looked past what he once was, and now Rose had as well. It was different, he thought, not only befriending a former Stormtrooper, but marrying one. They hadn't told the rest of the Resistance yet, but Finn wondered what would happen when they did. Would they look at her differently for vowing eternity to someone like him? Would she change her mind? Finn knew Rose; he knew she wouldn't, but he couldn't help adding it to his list of fears. The man who wanted to run away feared losing the people he loved. He feared their death, leaving him because he was not good enough, and losing them to murderous dark warriors. In three days, one of those problems would be solved permanently.

"I hate the First Order. I hope every single one of them dies a slow, fiery death and then burns in Hell for all eternity," Rose whispered as she tinkered with an outdated holopad they had recovered from the dilapidated base.

Finn paused his inspection of a defective blaster. "You know I was one of them, right?" Rose looked positively contrite, abandoning the holopad to grasp his hands in her much smaller ones.

"You're not, Finn," she assured him. "You refused to be like them. They made our colony, my family, into slaves. You... you would never do that."

"I chose not to kill the villagers on Tuanul, but, Rose, I wasn't only in sanitation. I had other missions for the Order. I was put in executioner rotation, and had I been ordered to carry out executions, I would have had to do it. I would have done it to save my own life. I went through cadet training with many of those troopers; I killed with them in simulations. They had no families, either, and had no choice but to fight for the only cause they have ever known. Many of them are no different than me, except they don't have a Resistance pilot to help them escape. I wasn't different, Rose; I was lucky."

Finn wondered if this was the moment she saw him for what he truly was. Rose rocked back in her seat, trying to find an option that would align with both of their beliefs, but he knew she could find no way to save the wayward souls of his old training buddies.

Rose squeezed his hand tighter in support. "When Poe Dameron was on that ship, tortured for information, no other trooper tried to help him; just you, Finn."

"I needed to escape before they discovered I didn't fire my blaster; I needed a pilot," he said, eyes downcast on the blaster even though his hands hesitated in their work.

"You're different," she reasoned, "even if you don't realize it, yet." Finn wanted to argue that she didn't realize it yet, but he was different. Not a good different. Although he had fought for the Resistance, defeating his former troopers when the battle necessitated it, he didn't know what would happen if the Resistance launched an attack and he was asked to kill stormtroopers who were not actively trying to kill him. Sure, he had helped with Starkiller, but he wouldn't have had the guts to blow it up. He couldn't actively press the trigger that ended defenseless troopers' lives. Would they expect him to wield the weapon that judged them for their crimes, even if he knew them, even if they begged for forgiveness?