Force Destiny

Disappearance

Rey opened her eyes to a blurry face staring over her. She blinked, trying to clear her vision. She didn't remember where she was, how she got there, or why she was there. All she knew is that she desperately wanted him.

"Ben?" she groaned weakly. Another face appeared, but their voices seemed so far away. Her eyes slowly adjusted to the bright lights. She was inside the Millennium Falcon. Finn smiled down at her, but it didn't reach his eyes. Rose grasped her hand tightly.

"Rey, it's Rose," she said. "Can you hear me?" Rey nodded drowsily. "I want you to stay lying down while we finish the Bacta injections, ok? We need to slowly warm you back up."

Rey struggled to form words past the tightness of her throat. "What happened?"

"Do you remember climbing down into that cave to find your crystal?" Finn asked, "There was an avalanche...."

The fear...the crushing sensation of the snow on top of her...the excruciating pain in her chest... it all came flooding back to her. She instinctively reached down for the wounds, but where she expected to feel a Bacta patch, all she felt was dried blood and raised scars. Rose saw the confusion on her face, and tears began pooling in her eyes. She looked at Finn.

Something's wrong. What doesn't she want to tell me?

Rey was terrified, and she didn't know why.

"Ben..." Rose's voice broke. Rey searched her friend's eyes for the truth, and it only served to terrify her further. What about him? What about him, Rose? Rey's heart beat wildly as she turned her attention to Finn. His expression was grim. She sat up in fear, and then she noticed it—the black cowl draped over her.

How do I have Ben's....

She instinctively reached out to him in the Force, often a sense of reassurance and comfort to her, but something was wrong. It was as if he were shutting her out. The bond was there, but everything that made him Kylo was not. He was gone. She tried again...and again. There was nothing.

"What happened? Where is he?"

Her stomach filled with dread; her breath caught in her throat. She watched Rose's eyes plead with Finn to tell her, but he shook his head. His eyes were glossy as he looked at her sympathetically. No.... She no longer wanted to know. She had the urge to run. She would keep running as far away as she could get so she didn't have to hear what they were going to tell her.

"Rey, he...."

"Don't!" Rey pleaded, tears blurring her vision. She felt trapped. Finn and Rose knelt hovered over her, crowding her with their concern. The pressure building in her chest squeezed the breath from her lungs; the room felt as if it were collapsing in on them. "I can't breathe."

She shut her eyes tightly, imagining she was back in his bed with him, feeling nothing but the warmth of his body. He smiled, but his eyes were full of sorrow. She reached out for him again in their bond...in hope...in denial...but there was nothing. Rose gently brushed the hair from Rey's face. Rey opened her eyes and immediately regretted it. The pained sympathy in their eyes pierced her heart.

"Somehow...he knew something horrible had happened to you, Rey. He came for you," Finn explained, "He saved your life."

"I don't understand," she cried, wrapping his cloak around herself in comfort. "What happened? Where is he?"

"He came for you Rey, but the new Supreme Leader shot his fighter down. He suffered...serious...injuries," Rose paused, trying to remain strong for her friend. "He was weak, but he was determined to save you. He lifted the snow off you, and it was magical. He found you, but you'd been under the snow for so long," Rose paused, breathing deeply to suppress the emotions threatening to steal her voice.

"Where is he!?" Rey demanded.

Just say it.

"He said he had to heal you with the Force," Finn continued hoarsely. Rose glanced at him and grinned sadly with gratitude. "He said that whatever he had to do would take everything he had in him. All he cared about was saving your life...but he knew the cost. He said the only way he could save you was if he...."

"No...."

Please don't say it.

"When he was done, he collapsed, and then he disappeared, just like Leia did. I'm sorry Rey, he's gone." Rey shook her head. Her brow furrowed and her lip quivered.

No! This isn't right! This isn't how his story is supposed to end. We're supposed to be together! Our destinies are intertwined! This can't be real. Ben can't die.

She shoved them away with the Force and stood. "Rey, wait!" Finn pleaded. She turned to run...somewhere...anywhere. She couldn't stand to hear another word; she couldn't breathe. Nothing made sense, she had to be alone. She fled the room and rounded a corner before she collapsed. There was no strength left, she let go. She sobbed between gasps, her body weak as she rocked on her hands and knees.

I don't understand. He can't be gone. The bond is still there. That has to mean something. There has to be hope. Grasping desperately at the remnants of their bond, she searched for his energy in hysterics.

Where are you, Ben? she begged, willing the thought into their bond.

The Force answered with a crackling of energy. When she saw the streaks of blue surrounding his energy in the Force, she remembered the blue aura that had surrounded Luke. A sob rocked her body as she tried to come to the acceptance that he wasn't across the galaxy, safe on the Finalizer. But as his reposed form appeared in front of her, she saw his droid pacing next to him, a small blue flame extended from his utility arm in the hopeless attempt to keep his master warm. Blue turned to her and begged her to help him – like last time.

Only then did Rey understand that the streaks of blue were not caused by his phantom energy in the Force, but by the indigo hues of the sunset reflecting off the snow around him. Realization churned in her stomach—he had never been in the cavern; he disappeared because he had found her through the Force bond. That meant Kylo was still on Ilum.

But where?

Rey searched his surroundings for a clue to his location. Her fallen bondmate lay peacefully in a snowbank next to a wrecked fighter. The wind tousled his hair, snowflakes dusting his dark clothing in a light blanket. Everything else around him was a blinding white.

"Ben?"

"Ben, wake up." Her mind was gripped by a heavy fog as she crawled to him. She absently brushed a piece of his hair behind his ear and stifled a sob. His hair was matted with blood from a deep wound on his head. She traced the scar down his cheek, the only ounce of familiarity about him. For the first time, his face was completely devoid of expression. His skin was sickeningly pale and ashen. Her tears landed and rolled down his face, but he remained unresponsive. Was he even alive?

Her hope was fracturing under the weight of her fear. Her fingers trembled as she prepared herself for the real possibility, but she couldn't bring herself to know for certain. The absence of his energy in the bond felt like a black hole sucking all her emotions away until she felt... nothing. She replayed every conversation in her head, imagining the ways it could have gone differently. Her words to him after she learned of his knowledge of Dantooine tore through her mind, tightening in her chest. Her heart begged for him in the same way a dying man gasped hopelessly for air. "I'm sorry," she cried. "I'm so sorry, Ben."

She heard heavy footsteps approach her. Chewbacca whined, crouching down on the other side of him. The Wookiee tenderly inspected his wounds.

"I found him in our bond," Rey replied absently. She gazed longingly down on Kylo's face. She remembered every expression, every twitch of emotion that flashed through his eyes. She ran her fingers lightly over his lips. Painful memories flooded her thoughts of the moments she felt the longing to kiss those lips. Now, she feared she would never have the chance. Those memories seemed like a lifetime ago as she knelt beside him, remembering what was and grieving what would never be. The tiniest sensation touched the tip of her finger and she gasped, her entire body shuddering in anticipation as she waited to feel the sensation again.

A breath!

"Bring me every last medical supply we have on board," Rey whispered.

He's alive. Just barely, but he's alive. That's all that matters. There's hope.