Force Destiny

Meltdown

The Finalizer had definite day and night cycles. While the destroyer traversed the darkness of space, it was the only way to differentiate one day from the next. The third shift had reduced personnel tasked to operate on dimmed lighting and "comm-silence" protocol, but if Kylo had been a stormtrooper, it would have been the shift he preferred. The night cycle made it easier to blend into the shadows. The corridors were empty, the Force was quieter, and most of the other officers were asleep, which meant there was no one to bother him. It should have been easy to count the passing days when he wandered the corridors at night, but they all blended together, like ink on parchment in the rain. He couldn't remember the last time he slept. He couldn't remember whether it was a week or a month since he'd shut out the bond. The scratches in the wall continued to grow, but not by his own efforts. When he had given up, Blue had continued the ritual in his stead.

Kylo wasn't certain if it was the lack of sleep or avoiding any sentient being with a pulse, but something in him had changed. He didn't feel anything anymore. It should have given the peace he had always craved, but he just felt... hollow. Lifeless.

Blue loyally rolled by his side as they walked back from yet another trip to the archives. He should have felt something; a plan was starting to formulate in the chaotic thoughts in his head. Stopping Sidious had become his life's mission, and the latest research had finally guided him in the right direction. He longed to feel victory surge through him, to feel the power and strength it delivered to him, to feel anything. Blue had been excited enough for the both of them, and he decided that would have to do. The droid chirped joyfully as they walked, and Kylo considered his next step. He decided that he would attend the meeting with Hux at five hundred hours to maintain appearances. It was more important than ever that he kept his general close while he followed through with his plan.

It was then that the Force rolled through him. There was a familiar twist in his stomach as he recognized the forewarning to an imminent connection. He closed his eyes to locate the bond and sever it, but he was distracted as sound traveled down the connection. His breath hitched as he heard her voice. No, not just her voice, her laugh. His eyes popped open and he saw her.

"No!" she laughed, pointing at something. When he concentrated enough the destroyer faded away to her temple room. She was kneeling next to another woman as they both worked companionably to assemble a partially-constructed droid – a BB unit. She was pointing behind the traitor as he searched through tools on the floor. "No...no...no...the red one...no...next to that one...no... next to that one... no!" Giggling, she continued to point as he lifted different tools to show her. It was exactly what Kylo knew would happen – she would be happier without their bond – but that didn't stop the ache in his chest. She was laughing, she was smiling, she was happy.

He could pinpoint the second she noticed his presence. It was the second she froze, her smile dropped away, and she slowly turned toward him. Before he could witness the hatred in her eyes, he lowered his own and found the connection. With a practiced swiftness, he severed it. For several moments he stood in the center of the corridor, afraid to raise his eyes. When he did, only Blue was staring back at him. As a flood of something painful swept through him, Kylo took off toward his chambers. The droid beeped a string of questions, but he couldn't answer. He could barely breathe. "Not now Blue, please," he managed. He couldn't remember the last time he felt anything, and he didn't know what to do with what was boiling up inside him. He felt alive again; alive, he knew, because it felt as if he were dying.

When the door to his quarters opened, his eyes flickered up to view the receiving hall of his antechambers. He stopped just inside, his feet refusing to carry him any further. His legs only held his weight with assistance from the Force. Blue whirred curiously, hesitating for a moment, before sensing Kylo's desire to be alone. Without another sound, the droid continued further into his chambers.