Force Destiny

Eavesdropping

"Ben?"

Kylo's eyes fluttered closed, and she felt his weight grow heavier in her lap. His eyes were by far her favorite feature, but he was still striking in sleep. His breathing was deep and even, slowing as he sank further into unconsciousness. "Ben, stay with me." The droid next to her echoed her sentiment. She looked up at Blue and smiled to ease his fear. She knew Kylo was more stable now than he had been before the treatment – her best attempt with the limited experience she had – but his condition still concerned her. He promised he would seek further treatment when he returned to the Finalizer, but how long would that be? She noticed his color looked better as she studied his reposed face.

His lips were no longer the alarmingly blue hue. They looked soft, and she desired to touch them. It was a strange warmth she felt, thinking about his lips. It felt like the first time she had seen more than she had expected of him that night on Ahch-To. It was uncomfortable, a powerful shiver, but from the inside. Bodies had always been just vessels in her mind, used to gain nourishment and work to survive. Her entire life had centered around survival. She had seen enough in Niima not to be completely naïve to the primal interactions between people, but it had never held much interest for her when she feared where her next meal would come from.

She had never noticed anyone's body as she noticed his. At first, she believed it merely an appreciation of his strength and training. He had the body of a warrior. It was admirable. But when she felt the desire to touch, she knew it was something more, something terrifying to consider. He was a murderer, her enemy; she should be ashamed of the desires she held for the Supreme Leader. At least, that was what the darkness told her. She had ignored it on Kamino when she had felt drawn to him in his vulnerability. She ignored it then, as he lay unconscious in her lap.

In a gesture she hoped conveyed to the sleeping man what his life meant to her, she kissed her thumb and pressed it to his lips. They were softer than she imagined and achingly warm. If he had only been awake, she wondered what she would have done in that moment. The thought excited her that there was more to try with him. She knew she was supposed to hate him, but she couldn't find it in herself to do it. There was no room for hate when the light was bubbling up from inside her. There was something about him that she couldn't explain – something more connecting him to her than she understood. What she did know was he was changing, restoring a cautious hope in him. "Wake up, Ben," she whispered as she trailed her thumb over his lips, a fire awakening inside her, drawing her to him.

Instead of his awakening, the Force crackled and vibrated around her. She knew he would be taken back across the galaxy within seconds. She turned to the droid. "Blue, promise me you'll get him help on the –"

And as quickly as he appeared – she would be forever grateful the Force had brought her to his side in that moment of desperation – he was gone. The corridor was empty. Her heart hammered against her rib cage as she jumped to her feet. What am I supposed to do?

She had been concerned about his condition when he had been safe in her lap. Without him, she was terrified. What if he needed further treatment before they reached the Finalizer? What if he stopped breathing? What if they didn't get him to the medbay? The more she examined the possibilities and considered the unknowns, the more she panicked.

In his absence, the moment that she had rounded the corner toward her room and found him crumpled on the floor replayed in agonizing detail. His unnatural position had been confirmation of her fears. She remembered her gasp, her halted steps, and the terror that had sunk deep in her stomach. For a split-second, she had feared he was dead. Watching his eyes blink open, even if they were unfocused and heavy, made her believe in the miracles of the Cosmic Force.