Force Destiny

Finn's Choice

Finn had watched in desperate silence, hand grasped tightly to Rose, as Kylo closed his eyes and pressed his hands against the wound on Rey's abdomen. Nothing happened. It seemed endless, how long he remained in that position, weakening but focused.

All Finn heard was Kylo's slow, shallow breathing as it had become increasingly labored. The former Supreme Leader swayed occasionally, as if he were losing consciousness, but then he pulled himself straight again. Finn felt a heaviness in the air around them, but nothing suggested that the man's effort was successful. At the end, his body shook violently, and Rose almost stepped in to end the torture, but Finn held her back. There were no mystical lights or glowing auras that signaled that anything he did could save her, but hope was all they had. If Kylo was willing to forfeit his life in an attempt to save hers, Finn would let him.

When Kylo showed signs of succumbing to his weakness, Finn feared Kylo had failed, but then warmth replaced the ghastly pallid tone of her skin. Pink returned to her reposed lips. The comforting mist of her breath puffed faintly in the frigid air. As life returned to her face, Kylo'scondition worsened, but he remained steadfast in his promise until he was too weak to continue.

His last moments were a violent struggle to give her everything he had. Rose refused to watch. It was even difficult for Finn; it was almost a relief when Kylo gasped and finally collapsed backward into the snow. Chewbacca let out a frightening cry. Finn rushed to Rey's side, checking her wounds. He pulled up her jacket, but the only sign of the wounds under the blood that soaked her shirt was three raised, pink scars.

Rose stared wide-eyed. "They're all gone!"

"She's freezing. We have to get her back the Millennium Falcon," Finn said, gently scooping Rey from where she lay beside Kylo, and moving back to the ropes they had secured. It wasn't until he left the tunnel that he realized Rose and Chewbacca were not following him.

"Rose, come on, let's go," he demanded frantically. Rey was alive, he wouldn't lose her now.

When he turned to explain that to his fiancée, he found her face twisted in sorrow. "We can't just leave him here, Finn!" Chewbacca growled at him. He didn't speak whatever language a Wookiee spoke, but his tone sounded like he was in agreement.

"He's dead. You heard him; he was planning on giving up his life to save hers. If he's not dead, he will be soon. What do you want me to do, end his misery?"

Rose stared at him with a look of disappointment that ached in his chest. "Who are you? Because you're not the Finn I know. The Finn I know would be finding a way to get all of us out of this giant hole, especially the man that just saved his best friend's life," Rose said through tears.

She knelt at Kylo's side and checked for a pulse. "He's still alive—barely—which means he has a chance." Delicately, she pushed Kylo's hair from his forehead and Finn hated that she wouldn't make this easy for him. If he left that man behind, he wouldn't have to face the truth about him. "She loves him, Finn. Don't we owe it to them both to give him a chance to live through this?"

Finn paced impatiently, then carefully handed Rey to Chewbacca. He knelt by Rose's side. "Rose, he's still the enemy," he insisted. "Remember that thing I didn't tell you? I had direct orders from Poe to assassinate him. Think of the Resistance, Rose. What would your sister have done? I think she would tell you the fate of the Resistance is worth more than one man's life. He's doing us all a favor by going this way. If we take him back with us, you know what they'll do to him. He can't go back to the First Order, they tried to kill him, too. It's better this way; he had the chance to save her life before he died, so he will at least be remembered for something good. You and I both know that we don't have the supplies to save him and no one out there in the galaxy will help us save the former Supreme Leader. If you want me to end his suffering for him, just go wait by Chewbacca; I'll take care of it." Rose shook her head in defiance, but after a moment, she seemed to accept Finn's resolve. She gently stroked Kylo's cheek, whispered something that wasn't meant for Finn's ears, then walked to Chewbacca without looking back.

There was a heaviness in the air around Finn, something charged and stifling. He glanced nervously at the crystals. What was this place?

Finn stood over his old foe and steadied the blaster. The blood from Kylo's wound already covered half his face. Even still, he barely recognized the man as the monster who had nearly killed him on Starkiller. He looked peaceful. "What does she see in you...?" he whispered. He gulped, trying to gain the courage to pull the trigger. He heard Rose sobbing and Chewbacca whimpering behind him. They had both wanted this man dead before. He had watched the Wookiee try to kill him on Starkiller; what had changed?

He braced himself, the weapon poised right above Kylo's left temple...but he couldn't shake the thought of what Rey's face would look like when he told her what he had done. He readjusted his grip on the weapon and licked his lips. He could do this...he had to do this...for the Resistance "Forgive me," he whispered, though he didn't know whether he was asking the forgiveness of Rey or Kylo, and he turned his face away so he wouldn't have to see the damage the blaster bolt would do.

"Rey..." It was the faintest whisper, on the softest exhale, but he was sure he heard it. Kylo was desperately trying to hold on. Finn closed his eyes.

The image of Kylo and Rey in her bed that night consumed his thoughts. Part of him had expected it after she revealed she had gone to the Finalizer to save him. Due to the heated physicality of their relationship and Kylo's ability to manipulate her, he envisioned the worst scenario was a regrettable moment of passion. He had never anticipated romance. He remembered it clearly: they were wrapped in a tender embrace, Kylo was uncharacteristically gentle, and she was unexpectedly trusting. They seemed like imposters of their true selves. Their eyes were locked in a vulnerable and reverent stare. He may not have wanted to admit it then, but it was unmistakable now—they were in love. That realization left him as the wielder of a terrible secret; Rey loved Kylo, and he loved her in return. Kylo's imminent death would tragically prevent his best friend from knowing the truth, because it was not Finn's secret to tell.

Maybe that was why he couldn't pull the trigger that night in her room. Nor could he do it in a moment of inevitability, standing at the bottom of a frozen cavern as his blaster hovered over the dying man's temple. It was not his love to end. He sighed in acceptance. When he opened his eyes, his choice didn't matter anymore.

Kylo was gone.