Force Destiny

Finn's Understanding

Finn sat on the edge of his bunk, head in his hands, where he had spent most of his time after his talk with Rey. How had he been so blind? She had told him what had happened between them on the island; she had flown across the galaxy to Kylo Ren, as Finn had done for her on Starkiller. She called the dark lord "Ben," even then. He should have realized why she had asked him to keep their bond a secret. She never had any intention of killing Kylo or ending the bond, for that matter.

He accepted that something had happened between the two Force-users—something he would likely never understand. He had witnessed the quiet intimacy between them in her room that night and her fierce defense of him. Her admission of her feelings for the Supreme Leader shouldn't have surprised him. Now that she had admitted the truth, everything that had happened made perfect sense. Perhaps he hadn't been blind; perhaps he just hadn't wanted to see it.

His only question was "why?" This creature was a radicalized, darkness-driven, mass-murdering war criminal with a legendary temper and megalomaniac tendencies. This killing machine was not some lowly stormtrooper or officer who had been brainwashed by First Order propaganda, he was the First Order. They called him Jedi Killer! He was a raging tempest of violence and anger, a loose cannon kept in line only by Snoke himself.

Ben Solo had a legendary family of some of the most admirable people to ever set foot in the galaxy, and he had chosen to throw it all away for a life of murder and cruelty as Kylo Ren. Now he was the one ordering the death of their friends, and he had proven how merciless he could be. Kylo killed his defenseless father in front of their eyes. They both heard him renounce Ben Solo. She claimed to love Finn, but she was carrying on a relationship with the man who almost murdered him. Why? What did she see in Kylo Ren that no one else could? Even his mother had given up on him.

Now Finn had orders to kill him.

It made sense. He was a threat to the lives of the Resistance, and, whether she believed it or not, Rey. Despite her claims to the contrary, he had tried to kill her before. If he didn't get whatever he wanted—and Finn had a strong suspicion of what that was—he would do it again. Perhaps he would use the bond against her to find them all.

What Poe had ordered him to do... it was the right choice. The lives of everyone in the Resistance – no, the galaxy – were more important than the life of one man. Even if the former Ben Solo was the man Rey thought he was, Finn knew they couldn't risk the fate of the galaxy on hope he would turn. Death and loss were the reality of war and Kylo Ren was on the wrong side of it. No one had the right answers, they were just trying to save the ones they loved. He would put his blaster to Kylo's head and pull the trigger if it ensured the survival of his fiancée and his best friend.

His only regret was that he would have to hurt his best friend, the first person who ever saw him as more than a trained killer, to do it. Yes, he would pull the trigger on the monster that needed to be put down, as he was trained to do by the very organization he was fighting against...but he feared the moment he had to meet her eyes after.

"Knock, knock," the sweet voice of his betrothed carried into the room. She stood in the entryway, holding a cup of tea for herself and a cup of caf for him. Somehow, she knew it was exactly what he needed and remembered exactly how he liked it. She had saved his life, yet it was the simple, everyday thoughtfulness like a cup of caf that shaped her deep love for him. Perhaps it was because no one had ever cared for him in that way before. At least, not that he could remember. Finn thought it was a silly notion, but he fell in love with her more every day over the small things.

"Hey, sparky," he managed, rewarded with a cackle when she understood his reference. Her eyes lit up the entire room when she laughed. If his heart had not been so heavy, it would have brought a smile to his cheeks as well.