Force Destiny

Adolescent Memories

A new memory appeared, only adding to her conflicted feelings.

Ben was sitting with his family at an ornate table, and he seemed... happier. Both of his parents were sitting at the table with him, and she felt his excitement by their presence and desire to hold their attention. Though she expected Ben to be a quiet and withdrawn child, as he was as an adult, she found him quite needy. Perhaps he still was.

Rey could feel his desire to be good, to prove he was worthy of their love. He was constantly fixated on gaining their approval, and Rey couldn't understand why he would measure his worth by other's standards. Kylo clearly didn't care what anyone thought of him. He was skilled, intelligent, and quite strong, why had Ben been so plagued with thoughts of inadequacy and disappointment in the eyes of others?

As a lowly scavenger, Rey knew that most of the galaxy judged the value of someone by their status and importance to others, a sentiment Rey knew from the throne room that Kylo accepted as truth. It made sense from his upbringing; he was the son of legends, he was already important enough by the galaxy's standards. Why then, did he still torment himself with a desire to be worthy? Why had he cared what strangers whispered? He had his family, and his thoughts made it clear that they tried harder to be present after he set fire to the house. Rey was grateful that they tried to do right by him. They loved him. It may not have saved him, but it was better than giving up on him as her parents did to her. "My tutor says I'm ready to skip forward another academic year," Ben said, leaning forward in his excitement.

Leia was scanning through a report on a datapad. "Of course, you are. I wouldn't expect anything less from an Organa," she replied. "Now get your elbows off the table. You may not be a prince, but you will behave like one."

Ben huffed but did as he was told. "I beat the simulator in ten minutes today."

"See?" Han piped in over a mouthful of food. "He's got Solo blood in him too... somewhere."

Leia lifted her eyes to glare at them both. "Well, that 'Solo blood' is giving him horrible posture. Sit up straight, Ben."

Han smirked across the table at his son. "Ah, lay off him, princess."

"It's my responsibility to prepare him for the future, Han. He'll thank me when he's older."

"I flew onto an Imperial Destroyer," Ben continued as he shoved a large bite into his mouth. "I blew up the hangar and flew back out through fire before it collapsed. You should've seen it! And I blew up the bridge without engaging any of the enemy fighters at all!"

"Ben, chew like you have a secret, dear," Leia said, without looking up.

Ben giggled as his father showed him the food in his mouth, but he swallowed his laughter contritely when Leia pinned him with a withering stare. Han cleared his throat as his attention shifted back to his meal. "Don't get cocky kid, wait until you've got a real ship under your hands." Han... wasn't the best at compliments. Rey knew that from spending the short amount of time with him that she did. Ben, however, seemed immediately affected by it, even before the whisper confirmed his fears.

You'll never be good enough for them...

There was an edge of resentment to his tone when he spoke again. "Does that mean I can go back to flying real ships?"

"You come from Naberrie, Amidala, and Organa blood," Leia cut in, perhaps sensing how the conversation would turn, "a long line of influential politicians. Remember what I told you about our responsibility to create a better galaxy, Ben. You can change it for the better, but not from a cockpit."