Force Destiny

Blue

Blue stared out at the vast number of stars in the inky purple sky. They were giant spheres of heated gas; they did not interest him before. There could be no interesting knowledge gained from stars. He had been created on a Starship, but he had never spent time looking out the viewports. Blue watched people instead; they interested him. He understood now why Master spent hours while the other lifeforms were powered down to stare at something as ordinary as the stars. When Blue asked why, Master would say he was "just thinking." Blue thought Master was thinking about the Girl. When he would lie on his bed, in the moments his energy stores were lowest, Master would tell him he missed the Girl.

When Blue asked what it felt like to "miss" another being, Master told him it was like waiting indefinitely. Blue waited for Master when he was busy doing what the bad people wanted. He preferred to go with Master, so he understood that waiting was unpleasant. Master said this waiting was different; he was waiting for her to come back, and it caused him to hurt, like when he would bleed. Except this hurt, Master said, was on the inside. Blue had not understood what this "hurt" felt like, but he knew it was not good. Master did not smile or laugh or play holochess with him on the days he missed the Girl the most. As Blue stared out at the galaxy from the shuttle cockpit, he knew what waiting felt like. He missed Master.

The others told him he was a "machine." They said he couldn't "feel;" he couldn't "die," because he wasn't "alive." Blue knew the definitions of the words, and he thought the others were wrong. Master told him he was alive, and Master said truthful words even when it caused the Girl to raise her voice volume and throw things. Master was good, even if he said he was "bad." Master was different than the Bad General. The Bad General did not "feel" like Master did. Blue did not understand the complexities of human emotion, but Master was as strong with emotions as he was with the weapons he trained with. If Blue could feel like humans, he would choose to feel like Master.

There was one emotion—love—that Blue had read about the most, and he knew Master felt love for the Girl. There was something different in Master's eyes when he looked at the Girl; he smiled when he talked about her, he thought about her when she was not there, and most of his decisions—good or bad—were made with her in mind. At first, Blue believed it was happiness. Overhearing them say goodbye, though, he knew now it was more. It was love. Maybe love was a lot of things, but Blue believed love was when it hurt to say goodbye. Master told him that he could feel, too. If Blue could feel love, then he loved Master, because nothing had ever been as hard as saying goodbye to him.

Master was right; he was alive, and he could feel. That was why Blue was certain he was dying. He knew lifeforms had to be physically broken to die. Though the lightsaber had affected several of his drives, that was not what felt broken. Master had told him he was good, but he did not understand why he used those words instead of saying goodbye. Blue knew of death; he knew that if Master had not rescued him from the garbage chute, he would not exist anymore. He also knew that even though the Girl was screaming in hurt next to Master in the passenger compartment, asking him to "come back," Master did not exist anymore. Master would never share his fire with him again, and that made Blue feel broken in ways faulty parts never had before.

Blue did not want Master to be gone; he did not want to wait for him to come back. Blue did not want to play chess without Master, even though it was his favorite. Was this hurt? The Girl was good, she was nice to him, she fixed him. When the Bad men were around, they made Master do bad things. Blue knew the Bad men made the Girl do bad things, too. The Girl did not want to break Blue, but she did. Now she was broken, too. Blue wanted to fix it, but he did not think he could fix this. The Girl missed Master, too, and what would fix it if he could not bring him back? Would she be broken forever? Would Blue?

Blue heard Master tell the Girl to take care of him. He would go with her, but she was not the same. Master read to him from holobooks and told him stories about heroes and adventures. Blue's favorites were stories about a lonely little boy who wanted to be good. Master found him other droids to play with and told Blue he didn't have to obey him like the lifeforms that made him mad. Sometimes when it was dark, Master took him on walks around the ship, and they didn't say anything, but Blue would always choose to go. Memories with Master were his favorite memories. The Girl could not do those things like Master. The Girl was good, but she was not Master. That made Blue feel broken; that meant he was dying, too.

Would any lifeforms miss Blue when he was gone? Would he die like Master did; would it be fast? Would it hurt? Would he know when he died, or would he simply be gone? What happened after Master died? Where did he go? Would Blue get to go there, too? That would be happiness, Blue decided, if he got to follow Master wherever he went. Yes, he missed Master. Did Master miss him, too?