Asher & Julia| 16+✔️

Chapter 49

Asher's POV

With Ace gone to train for going on tour it's just been Cam and I in the apartment, I can't seem to stay at home though. It's strange. Everything is nowadays. My mind on constant loop of three consecutive things, Julia, Ken and the pit of loneliness in my stomach. Staying at Ty's has made it easier I guess, the smoking and drinking. I won't be taking pills again that's for sure but smoking does help along with having the company of Ty and Thomas and not seeing Camila's face feeling guilt and shame about Jules.

I'm always wondering how I should act, should I be acting a certain way or should I not be acting a certain way? Am I allowed to feel this way? What if I'm doing something wrong or what if I'm not doing something enough? My mindset is constant...anxiety some people would say. I've been like this ever since Julia and I were no longer, I don't know why. It's like I've completely forgotten how to act around people and I find myself worry about what people may think, I never worried before so why now? The only thing helping me at the moment is cigarettes, weed and alcohol because without having at least one I'm completely lost and unsure how to function.

Can someone mean that much to me that I've lost the will to live?

I see Julia everywhere, the cafe, I avoid the apartment now because she's friends with my sister and even when I don't want to hear her I still do, I've even seen her while driving past campus. The only place I get away from her is when I'm high or drunk, hiding away in Ty's place. She's even in my damn dreams, stupid cheesy dreams...we're cuddling or laughing as we listen to music and watching movies. I just want it all gone, I said I would stop feeling sorry for myself which I have. I know I fucked up and lost her but that's my own fault, at least I know that and I'm willing to let her go. Right? That's the right thing to do, let her go and find someone worth loving.

I park in the driveway and sign leaning back as I take the keys from the ignition, I'm dreading this. I said to my mum I would come to this family meal, she always loved family meals. Ken has ruined it for us though...big time. I know he shouldn't be here since he's no longer family, well as far as I'm concerned he ain't family to me and never had been.

I flip up the sun visor and unclip my seatbelt, I've been ignoring everyone for two days straight because I couldn't be bothered with the questions, it makes me feel worse than I already look.

I climb out the car and lock it, I stick my happy face on ready to keep up the "I'm so happy" act. It's only the best way I can think of to control the way I'm feeling, it's not healthy but it works for me, it's been working for years now.

"Guess who's back bitches!" I shout hearing my voice echo through my childhood home.

Mum storms towards me with fury and worry circling her eyes, Cam right behind her footsteps. When Cam comes to view I realise she has a small cut on her cheekbone. What the fuck happened to her?

"Where have you been!?" She shouts and my eyes move to mum.

"What?" I laugh, what's going on?

"Where have you been?" She repeats placing her hands on her hips as she applies more pressure to one leg to stick her hip out.

"Out, what do you mean?"

"We've been worried sick! We haven't heard from you in two days"

"You look like shit" Cam states looking me up and down, I know she's studying me carefully. It's like she's trying to figure out where I've been and why I've been gone.