"ill see you so soon okay" i whisper to Aria holding her as close to me as possible she nods wiping away her tears "i love you mummy" she whispers a huge pout on her face "i love you more" i whisper trying my best to smile, she looks up at Niall reaching her arms out to him, he quickly picks her up with his spare arm Roman sitting in his other. "Ni, i love you" I mutter he just looks at me for a second unsure of what to even do, he looks at Aria who just gives him a confused look because usually Niall instantly says it back "love ya more" he mutters so quiet i just about hear it
he starts to walk off Aria looking over his shoulder waving as much as she can, i wave back chewing my lip trying my best not to cry, Perrie and Jesy instantly hugging me from the side "let it out" Jesy whispers as they go out of sight and i do exactly as she says. Niall spent the last few days not even being able to look at me, everything we did he just made sure he hardly even made eye contact with me even with the simplest of things like getting into bed and while i tried my best to fix this, he told me he wants to make it work but he just needs time and i don't blame him really its a hard thing to even process and its gonna be tough to get it back to normal but i know we can.
we go out of the airport and get straight into the van and to the venue for tonight, when at the venues I've decided to keep myself to myself and avoid most people, the only people ill talk to is the girls, our hair stylist Aaron, our make up artist Heidi and a few of the dancers but that's it because otherwise i feel like ill end up bumping into Harry and that's the last thing both of us want right now. i sit down in front of the mirror sighing a little and resting my chin on my hands "hey just think one more week and it'll be the uk leg and you'll be able to see them all the time" Perrie smiles wrapping her arms around my shoulders i smile slightly putting my hands against her arms, i just want to be back home even if its only for a month because that's enough time to at least get slightly back to normal because as long as me and Niall are okay that's all i truly want now.
Niall
"goodnight baby" i smile walking out of Arias room getting a muffled response in return, its been a difficult week and to be honest i didnt want to leave Jades side but at the same time I'm insanely glad to be home, i walk into the music room with Charlie quick behind me, i quickly grab my guitar before going downstairs and into the living room switching one of the lamps on and laying down on the couch Charlie at my feet. i sit there just playing random chords trying to think things through properly in my head, everything is just messy in my head right now and i can't really make sense of it
i adore Jade with my whole heart but what's happened has madly hurt me and I'm still trying to process the fact that it even happened its something i never thought would happen but i really just want to forget it all and move on completely. its honestly killing me that things are this way and i don't really know how to handle it either, i couldn't look at her most of the time but then at the same time i just wanted to hold her and never let her go. i pick up my phone looking at the time, i then look through my messages my heart breaking when i read one from Jade
wifey❤️: i know your on the plane right now, and when you get home you'll go straight asleep so you won't see this till tomorrow but i had to tell you this now bc i need you to know this. I love you so so much Ni, more than ill ever be able to express, its killing me everyday with guilt of what happened and i am just constantly praying that one day you'll find it in your heart to forgive me bc my life without you isn't worth living and i can't picture a life without you in it. i understand you'll need time to forgive me and that is fine but i will do anything to fix this. i love you so much xxx
i shut my eyes for a second unsure of how to even reply i take a deep breath tapping my phone for a minute or so while i try to think
i love you, and I'm sorry for the way i acted but i just don't know how to even begin to process what's happened and I'm not sure how long it'll take or even if ill be able to right now. ill try and see you next week but i truly can't promise anything xx
i drop my phone putting my head in my hands for a second, i go back to my guitar trying to come up with a new melody. "i guess we lost our focus" i quietly sing just staring at the ceiling "and its killing me that we could go to war like this" i sing pausing for a second "but I'm standing here with you just trying to be honest" i sing almost inaudibly "if honesty means telling you the truth" i sing stopping playing the guitar "then I'm still in love with you" i whisper holding back the tears as i do, someone then knocking on the door and taking me out my thoughts
niallhoran
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niallhoran late night writing✌🏻 jadehoran: 😍😍😍 louist91: best vibes🙌🏻
