TW: attempted suicide-ish
Alex pov
im bored. everything is numb. I can't cry anymore, and weirdly enough, I'm not relieved about it. its like really dull pain. I want to end it. I could hang myself- I have the supplies.... no. I'm just going to sleep. maybe if I took enough of my dads sleeping meds..... no. I'll take a bath, clear my head. make toast? god this was annoying. I was definitely bluffing, but my mind kept making these little ... jokes, that made me consider it more and more. it wasn't just Luke. it was my parents, my nervousness, everything was just wrong. I miss when everything was simple. when I wanted to be cinderella, not frikin sleeping beauty. get it? sleep- but for waaaaay too many years? :) I'm funny. but I'm kinds trash... maybe I should..... hmmmmm.
reggie pov
Luke and I run to Alex's, but its really far away, and it takes a while to get there. if anything happens to him-
we get there and beg his parents for entry, but they recognize Luke from the whole church thing and turn us away... so we climb through Alex's back window. Alex is setting up a noose. Alex is setting up a-
R: ALEX! Alex no!
A: oh- hi.
R: what are you- please dont- Alex-
Luke is crying. Luke is crying?!?!
A: oh... why's he here?
R: Alex he didnt-
A: yeah well whatever he failed to do, we can talk about later. I'm busy
R: Alex....
A: dude. its fine. I'm not killing myself. I'm just going to set it up.
R: what?
A: you think I'm man enough to kill myself?
he just laughs and shakes his head.
A: no... I'm just setting it up, y'know, so I can be constantly reminded I can't even kill myself.
R: Alex...
its like I couldn't talk. my mouth was stuck together.
L: Alex? Brittaney faked the photo. she said she wanted to talk, and she pinned me and had her friend take a photo. I didn't-
A: mmhm...
he looks like he's considering it, then he laughs.
A: so then you went back to her? you can just admit you don't like me...
L: Alex- she has a picture of us. I know you don't want to come out to the school yet so-
A: can you guys come back later? I'm REALLY busy.
now I'm crying. Alex is crying too, but he's laughing. a really angry, dry laugh.
L: Alex please. don't hurt yourself.
A: god you guys are so dramatic! I'm not gonna hang myself. it takes too long. just wanted a room makeover.
R: Alex its not funny! please stop!
A: I'm sorry reg- I'm just in a weird headspace. if you come back later-
L: NO! I don't care how much you Hate me, or how much I deserve it, we're not leaving. not yet.
A: well I wish you would.
R: Alex please- tell us whats going on. lets just talk it out. please.
A: fine. what do you want to talk about? about the fact that my parents would beat me up and leve me on the streets if the government wasn't watching their every move? or the fact that I STUPIDLY fell for my best friend? or that he's a notorious cheater and SHOCKINGLY cheated on me? or the fact that I freak out about everything? or that I feel like I'm dying when dumb stuff happens? or the fact that I can't function and do normal everyday things without worrying? worrying about everything! worrying myself to death. or the fact that I've finally decided to speed up the process and couldn't even do that right? I'm a failure. I'm stupid. I'm a worthless piece of crap.a faggot. I hate myself, and I hate that I'm telling you this. I hate that I can't keep it to myself like everyone else does.
YOU ARE READING
I'm happy for you. (julie and the phantoms) (sunset curve)
FanfictionTW: homophobic slurs, abuse, mentions of panic attacks/anxiety basically what I assume happened before the events of julie and the phantoms. (alex+luke) just a very gay story about what I think their lives were like before they died. if you haven't...
