Three Houses Reader Inserts

Painful Void (Ashe x Reader)

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You cried and cried. With each sob you tried to get the pain out of your chest but you just couldn't. It felt like your soul was crying. You felt stupid crying over something so trivial; there were so many worse things that could be happening. There are so many horrible things   happening to people out there. You had been through a few hard times yourself, especially with the 5 year war. 

And yet here you were, crying yourself a puddle of sadness. And why? Because you didn't get cast in the nth opera you had auditioned for. You hadn't even gotten a callback. Dorothea told you it was normal, you were still starting out, but you had been at this for years. Sure, she had been at this for longer, but she didn't even have to audition to get discovered. She was discovered singing in the streets! You had studied all your life for this, dreamed about it since you were little, and yet…

You never got selected for any roles. And of course you were never told why. Dory kept telling you not to give up, but you didn't find her words comforting; she was living your dream. Not that you found anyone's words comforting. Nothing could truly ease your pain. 

It dulled over time, but never left. And over that time it had piled up. You got better and better, this audition was your best one yet, you were sure, but nothing ever changed. You never got cast. 

Sure, you had been in some small productions back in your homeland, Faerghus, but you had been in a specialized academy for opera performance; participating was part of the curriculum. 

Maybe you just didn't have what it takes. Maybe Dorothea really was that much better than you.

One thing was for sure, you were sick and tired of attempting something that was clearly not in the cards for you. You would never be good enough for them, so why keep trying?

Giving up would bring a lot less heartache.

But what were you giving up? Just your dream or everything else too? You didn't feel like doing anything anymore…

You hugged your knees to your chest as your sobs got louder. You were so lost within your misery that you were terribly startled when you felt a warm hand on your shoulder. 

"Hey, are you okay."

You looked up at your best friend with a "what do you think?" expression on your face. 

Ashe rubbed the back of his neck with a frown, "Yeah, okay, dumb question." he sat down next to you, "Let me try again: What do you need me to do?" 

You thought about being snippy and answering something like "make them cast me" or "demand to know why they didn't cast me", but you didn't even have the energy for that. You launched yourself into Ashe's arms and cried on his chest. 

"W-why! I-I just don't understand!" 

You were interrupted by your own sobs, but Ashe waited patiently for you to continue, rubbing your back soothingly as he did. 

"There's people who are constantly getting cast that have practically no talent! Y-you saw last time! That woman sounded like a toad!

Okay, so maybe the word toad was a bit harsh, but you were hurting and you didn't want to care about that at the moment. 

"I just…" your sobs started to fade into small hiccups, "I should just give up…" Your breathing had evened out entirely and now, you just felt empty. 

Like there was a void inside you. A painful void. But if you thought about the pain for too long it would come back full force to swallow up the void. It was a vicious cycle.

Ashe's arms tightened around you in a loving hug. "Don't say that. You can't give up. I've seen you, you're talented!"

You shook your head while it rested on his shoulder, "Clearly I'm not."

"Listen to me." Ashe began firmly, but warmly, "Just because things don't work out now, doesn't mean you should give up. The things you want might still happen if you keep trying, but if you give up, then they certainly never will."

Then he continued, "If I had given up while I was alone with my siblings… Well, we wouldn't even be having this conversation… And I know it's not the same, but-- "

You leaned back and shook your head as you grabbed Ashe by the shoulders. "Nothing you say is going to make me feel better, Ashe." you gave him a pained smile, "But just the fact that you're trying does... even if just a little… So thanks Ashe…" 

You looked down at your lap as you felt the need to start sobbing again and you started to tremble. 

Ashe put an arm around your shoulders and pulled you gently towards him. He kissed your cheek as you leaned on him. 

He brushed a strand of hair that had gotten stuck to your face because of your tears and said gently, "I'll always be here for you, Y/N. I love you."

You wrapped your arms around his waist and replied just as softly, "I know… And I love you too."